What's happening with Carol.....

Bird Party Update

2009-04-20T07:45:00.004+02:00

The bird birthday party sort of wiped me out although the dynamo grandparent team of 4 plus Bo did nearly all the work. In the morning, as I was having a lot of pain, I broke down into one of my bad crys and Bo took me to my couch and said, "Carol, I think you still haven't accepted the fact that you are really ill, you can NOT do all the things you want to do now, you must let us do it, maybe it won't be perfect the way you want it but at least we'll try our best and you must accept that, next year you can do more but NOT NOW. Please stop worrying and relax so that you can have energy for what's really important today and that's watching Maya enjoy her party." He's right, I know. Part of me thinks I can still do but I really can't. I get so frustrated.

Maya did have a lot of fun and that's what counts. Her friends were so nice with her and each other, so no problems. We have always had the rule that she can invite the number of children that she is old. So this year she was excited to invite 7 of her closet friends. It makes it so much more managable then having the entire class or all the girls in the class. (many of who have not treated her very nicely at school) Maya has always been one to have just as many guy friends as girl friends so it really isn't her party without a mixture.

One of her favorite friends, Jakob, flew into the party as a black crow! Maya was THRILLED!!!! (Later he gave her a bag of sunflower seeds as one of his presents...what fun!) They played a lot on M's swing set first, then tried to push Pappa into our pond. When they came inside each child made a bird mask (with feathers, sequence and beads) and decorated a pair of toilet paper binoculars (for the bird walk that we didn't have time for!). Next they played "Spin the birdie" to see which present Maya would open up. She got all different things and she was so pleased. One little boy was so cute...a guy after my own heart....he wanted to take home the wrapping paper his gifts were in (very good taste, I might add). The cake was a huge success...8 little birdies sitting in a nest, 4 with baseball caps on, 4 with princess crowns. It was very yummy! We still have half the cake so if you come over you can have a piece!

Since the masks were dry they were able to put them on to go outside again, but the time was nearly finished and we needed to do the "Fish Pond" (fishing for goodie bags). Maya got a little upset because the parents came on time and we hadn't done the raw egg race or the bird walk but we told her we could do it again another day! Bo and I realized that this year was the last for the "fish pond" because they are out growing it. (We'll do a treasure hunt next time.) Everyone stayed a little longer playing in Bo's tent , running around the swing area, and looking for the real fish in our pond. Lots of smiles and the weather couldn't have been better for mid-April!

I will post photos if I can....but I'm having trouble with my photo program as I have too many photos loaded up. (14.000 oucsh!)

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Sunday I took it easy...my mornings have not been so good and I have a lot of pain. I think it is related to what's happening in my digestional track. Gas, poops, whatever....once it comes out eventually I feel better. Early afternoons around 13:00 I'm usually ok. I try to take my whimpy walk then. I can't believe how weak my body has become in such a short time.

My big outing today will be to get medusa (my hair) cut a little bit. I'm dreading telling my hair dresser. I've gone to her for about 8 years. It's always hard telling people the first time...I usually end up trying to make them feel better!

What a GOOD FRIDAY for us again!

2009-04-17T23:07:00.004+02:00

A nervous morning was spent here in our yellow house, pins and needles were everywhere after I got the phone call to come into the hospital for the results at 1:30pm. My anxiety was high and I wondered if I should have a relaxer pill but decided I wanted to be "me" for the meeting. While Maya was at her "Swedish 2" class (she receives extra Swedish language lessons on Fridays because our primary home language is English), my Dad and I took a walk around our garden and admired all the new growth coming up through the soil and budding on the trees. The rabbits haven't done nearly as much winter damage as previous years....but still, darn things have to make their mark, don't they!? It's the most I've walked outside in a long time. Dr. Down-to-Earth said I must walk everyday despite pain to avoid blood clots. Will do!

Our house is full of stairs and I'm noticing more and more that I avoid them. Going down slowly is no problem but going up I feel like I'm clumbing in the Andes Mountains (gasping for breath, legs wobbly).The doctor told me today my shortness of breath is due to the low blood value.

After lunch, with nervous teary but positive outlooks, we said good bye to Mom, Dad and Maya, then Bo and I headed out to hear the results. I was feeling so good that I was able to sit up the whole car ride and enjoy the sunny views! To get diagnosed in the spring was a miracle to me...I don't think I could have held up heading into the dark winter months with this illness.

At the hospital we were met by Dr. Soft Swede and Dr. Blue Lagoon who took us into a private meeting room. Dr. Soft Sweden asked if I wanted to take it in English or Swedish...English I replied with relief. (That eliminates one obstacle for me...even though I understand most of what is said, my replies are slothish in Swedish and there are so many new words I'd be asking for clarification all the time.)

So then he proceeded to tell us this about the MRI and Biopsy tests & treatment:
1 - MRI showed that my cancer is anal canal cancer (very rare in Sweden 400 cases a year and rare in the USA at 5,000 cases a year) and NOT rectum cancer.

2 - This anal canal cancer is the "mother tumor" which has matastisized to my liver in three places. The biopsy confirmed that the tumors in my liver are the SAME CANCER which makes it MUCH EASIER to treat. (yeah!)

3- The anal canal tumor is ....well picture this....an 8 cm (3.2 inch) long garden hose with 2.5 cm (1 inch) thick wall that is split length wise (it is not a full circle) lining my anal canal. Now can you fully understand why it's been so darn difficult to poop!? No wonder my poopies were so weird...they were being squeezed through that tube like play dough! Of course, not all of this hardness is solid tumor, some of it is inflammed tissue/hardened skin. (remember I mentioned before that anal canal tumors are attached to the skin organ) So basically, for a couple of slow growing years I've been sitting on a garden hose up my butt! OUCH....why didn't I feel it before just 2-3 months ago? I still don't understand that...but it's too late to go back!

4- This type of cancer is SLOW GROWING....so my vivid imagination fueled by my intense pains have not been true...in my head I've had this image of my tumors taking over my entire abdomen and chest. Since my first CT scan to this latest MRI there hasn't been any measurable changes in my tumors. (yeah!)

5 - I did not ask what "stage" my cancer is...maybe I'll ask next week....maybe I won't. Do I really need to know? Won't it scare me?

6 - My blood counts are too low but having my period this week during the biopsy has an important role in that. More tests will be done with the oncologist before chemotherapy starts as they may have to give me a blood transfusion beforehand.

7- I was told that having my extra kilos will serve me well in the near future as these extra kilos, plus my "youth" and my general healthiness will give me strength to endure what's coming next....

At today's Cancer Team Meeting, the oncologist was handed over my case officially although this doctor (who I haven't met yet so I can't give him a nick name yet) has already been in several meetings about my case over the past couple of weeks. So plans have been made....

1- I will get my chemotherapy treatments in Lund Hospital (it's the "big mamma" hospital in Sweden).

2 - For the first rounds of chemo I will be staying in Lund Hospital for a week as they plan to fire me up with VERY STRONG dosages "plus some" during that week to hit both liver and anal tumors. In order to help me with the tiredness and nausea, it will be best if I'm there at the hospital with professionals around me. (I"m ready...bring it on!)

3 - After one week or so in Lund, then I'll come home for a 2 weeks rest.

4 - Go back again to Lund....depending on how I'm reacting to all the medicines will determine if I stay over night or not.

5 - It's a LONG, TOUGH ROAD ahead but the doctors were very hopeful that I could make it to the end successfully! ( I think by this point Bo was crying freely I didn't dare look at him because I didn't want to break down too!)

6- Treatment may start in 1-3 weeks but they assured us that it would make no difference in the final outcome! But that all was being done to progress and process my case as fast as possible!

7- From now on I MUST be extremely careful about coming into contact with GERMS! All members of my household are to wash their hands before touching me. No risks should be taken! (Tomorrow is Maya's b-day party, I must keep a distance and not give hugs!)

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Then we talked about other things....how our daughter was handling it. We explained all the different things we have discussed with her and her reactions. And about the journal books we have to let her express herself and children's books to read about cancer. (Thanks LORI, I can't thank you enough!) They thought we were handling Maya very well.

They asked me about my job. Although I cried while telling them about Maya, I completely lost it talking about my students. I NEVER GOT TO SAY GOODBYE TO THEM! It was Tuesday at school, I said I wouldn't be there the next day because I had a doctor's appointment (lots of groans and moans from the kids) and POOF....I was gone! No closure for me or for them. And now I can't go because I can't take the emotional stress and I certainly can't take the sickness risk. But I want to hug each one of them and say goodbye and good luck next year...especially the 5th graders. Our school ends at 5th grade, so many I will probably never see again. There is a possiblility I will see the 4th graders after I'm well later this year. Writing a letter isn't the same...several people suggested that I do a video clip but honestly, I want to see THEIR EYES and SMILES one last time! Anyway....I had a good ol' cry about that with the Doctors looking on. My actual job, I could care less about right now....I'm so tired and exhausted from pain I don't have room to think about it.

After I got myself back together about the school thing, we ended the meeting with funny stories of Bo's and my parents helping us out with each their own sets of painful health problems, hearing miscommunications, language misunderstandings but mostly of their steadfast teamwork to support us to make things easier for us. And most importantly how the LOVE of GRANDPARENTS has surrounded Maya with a solid, soft wall for her to feel, receive and give comfort when we cannot provide it for a moment. Bo and I could not be blessed with parents more perfect for this task than the wonderful ones we have in our family! No matter what comes next for me during the treatment to RECOVERY, I have no guilt or insecurities about Maya. She will be given the BEST of care from these funny old people we love so much!

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Tomorrow is Maya's "friends" b-day party! Everything is prepared.... I will stay my distance but try to participate a little bit. Will let you know how it goes and post some photos. (Thanks to Gerd for picking up the special cake for us!)

Biopsy went well

2009-04-15T21:03:00.003+02:00

Just to let you all know that the biopsy procedure went very well today. I'm too worn out right now to report any more funny details about my day in bed (from 8:30 to 19:00) but I will try to give you more details tomorrow when I'm on my new morphine pain killers! (now that ought to be interesting! we'll see how I do!)

I met a new doctor today who is one of the team...we really liked her...very down to earth. She told us that since my case is 'advanced' (meaning that it has spread to my liver, not just sitting there in my butt)...the "older" doctors will be in charge of me. The ones with the most experience...she is one of them but she wasn't old at all...at the most 50 so you get the idea. I was concerned about my case being talked about by different doctors each week and wanted to know if there was a CORE GROUP in charge with MY case. She told me that she understood that's the way it is in the USA but it's not like that here, she did say though that I will have two core doctors (surgeon and oncologist) who will always be the ones responsible for the final decisions based on the recommendations of the group meeting. The surgeon in charge of me from now on is Dr. Soft Swede (who I've written about before). I REALLY LIKED HIM the last time we met when he looked up my butt! (then drew a diagram for me and explained everything in superb English--which calms me) So Bo and I were both very satisfied with this knowledge. Dr. Down-to-Earth also said that they will be pleading, begging and praying to the pathologists to move my biopsy results through the process as fast as possible so that they can discuss them during THIS FRIDAY's meeting! Halleuah! I'm supposed to be at home on Friday noon and after to wait for their phone call to tell us the results for MRI and biopsy. (No one call me on Friday after lunch, please!) At the Friday meeting the oncologist will take my case and prepare my treatment plan (which is already tentively in the works) so we can START the FIGHT. I cried when she said that and said "I"m ready to fight this" and she replied "We want to start too...and we want you to WIN!"
Can you see why I really liked her?! She's on my team!

That's the basic important information for the day....but I'll tell the details tomorrow if I'm up to it...some funny things happened.

Bo is the most wonderful husband...it's such a blessing that I fell in love with a chemical engineer who has a fantastic memory for numbers, medicine names, dosages, reactions, etc...he is always a step ahead and jumps right in with his questions. I feel like he's my "medicine care lawyer". So grateful he's on my team, too! I pray he can hold up through all of his worries because I really need him!

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Maya news: she FINALLY lost one of her front teeth! It fell out during the night and my Dad found her holding it this morning while she was sleeping! She is so proud! The American tooth fairy will come tonight (next tooth will be for the Swedish one!).

Her kindergarten class walked to the public library today for a tour inside and each child got a huge book about Monsters! A very appealing book for children...has the "bath tub" monster, the "closet" monster, as well as the truly famous ones...cyclops, werewolf, etc.

Thanks for all the extra thoughts today! :-)

Liver Biopsy today

2009-04-15T05:59:00.004+02:00

We're up with the sun....early to get to the hospital at 7:30 am for the blood flow tests and others. Then it's up to the Cancer Department for my valium shots and other things....the biopsy is planned for 10:00 am. From the blood tests until the rest of the day, I will be in a bed. That means nurses will be changing my pads (for my period) and helping me pee & poop in a little cup on the bed! So glad I'll be on valium!

For the moments I'm bored and awake, I've got an 'entertainment' bag packed with iPod of my music & KellySue's iPod (maybe I'll finally finished the Carl Hiasson book "Skinny Dipping"), embrodiery, funny book, and comics from the USA that Mom mailed me a long time ago and I haven't sat down to read yet. I figured that was enough for one day and I'll probably be asleep most of the time.

Bo is going to stay with me as much as possible but he's very nervous, too, so he's got a little list of errands to run in Helsingborg: visit Peder, buy wheat grass seeds at Goodness, and visit my school to give Kristina, my director, important medical leave papers.

Nervous but READY to go through with this test because THESE tests will give the Doctors all the answers they need to make the decisions for the best treatment for me and my case. Just have to remember that the results won't be instanteanous, the pathologist needs time to do his/her job correctly. But soon...treatment will start SOON!

I feel GOOD today with an energy of a bright future! Hold your thumbs, cross your fingers, say an extra prayer, hold me in the LIGHT, cover me with Angels of Healing and send me POSITIVE THOUGHTS! As you have been doing all these weeks....today I need them a lot!

Love to all of you! I'm taking all my friends and family, real and virtual, with me in my head today to give me strength! Thank you!

A love letter to my brother, Tom

2009-04-14T08:07:00.009+02:00

I was 5 and a half when my little brother was born on April 14th, 1969. But I had loved him long before that. He was my imaginary friend when I was a younger child in Peru. "Little Brother" had to have a cookie if I had one (yup, I got 2 cookies then!) and he had to be seatbelted into the car just like me before we drove off. I must have played a lot with "little Brother" as I was an only child until I was in Kindergarten.

Don't really remember much about my mom being pregnant, she lost two babies during the years between us, so I think she was rather cautious about announcing the news to me. But I can certainly tell you how exciting it was when I woke up one morning without my parents in the house and a friend/babysitter told me that my Mom was in the hospital having a baby! I talked to her everyday. I learned to write my LONG last name while she was gone. I ate at different friends' homes. I had fun without my parents but I really just wanted to see my REAL brother. Then FINALLY after three long days of waiting....my Mom was coming home with MY WISH COME TRUE! At school I must have told EVERY open ear that I had a little brother and HE was coming HOME TODAY TO ME! I ran as fast as I could from the carpool lady's house down the street...whipped open the front door to find Mom and little brother bundled up on the couch. My Dad made me wash my hands thoroughly and sit down on nicely on the couch, he told me to hold my arms out steadily to hold little Brother and Mom came and laid him there close to me! My heart thumping wildly in my chest....

I HAD A LITTLE BROTHER AT LAST!
Thomas Hansel Doughty In case you are wondering...he carries the names of both our grandfathers.
I have always loved his name, seems so strong,
wise and gentle as our grandfathers were in life.
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Tom and I played A LOT together once he was bigger (and more interesting) in the meantime, my Mom has written in my baby book that I was a great helper girl with my little Brother.
We built great palaces and forts from wooden blocks. We sang to all the Disney Albums. We made grand parties with all our stuffed animals. Tom cried on his 4th birthday when I went to school and refused to play with his new toys until I came home. We played Barbies together (with your action men and Ken doll). We slept in the same room even though we each had our own room, I was 10 and Tom was 4 when we decided that it was time to separate.

Then hormones came into the situation and having a pesty little Brother was, oh, so embarrassing during my middle school and high school years. That darn little Brother followed me EVERYWHERE....he spied on me and my friends, he TAPE RECORDER our conversations during parties, and worse, I HAD to "babysit" him when our parents went out in the evening. (Actually, it wasn't all that bad because Mom always gave us our food of choice, Arby's or crumbly hamburger.) We continued to play together despite the age difference....we dug huge holes to China in our back yard under our tree house, we played endless swimming pool games, we bicycled, we made messes, we had fun! (most of the time)
We went on a gazillion family trips each summer and holiday. We simultaenously enraged each other and entertained each other. (spit ball fights in the car, ugly face game)

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When my little brother graduated in 1992 from San Fransisco State University, I was much happier than on my own graduation day in 1985 from Indiana University. (The reasons for which I will not get into now.) Listening to the ceremony, watching my brother do silly but respectful things on the field below to catch our attention and finally seeing him receive his diploma were such proud moments for me! MY LITTLE BROTHER had graduated!! He had accomplished something my family, frankly, didn't think he'd finish! THIS was a major FEAT, whereas, my own graduation was basically a fact when I started university...I don't mean this in a snobby way, it just means that I stay within the box, usually. I do what I'm supposed to do...what's expected of me by my parents. When I have strayed out of those neat perimeters, I somehow really make a muck up of things. (rhymes with.....) My brother, on the other hand, struggled, studied, hated, quit, started again, enjoyed, learned, and finally acheived! No box with timelines for him! More than anything I wanted to PARTY ALL NIGHT LONG with him and his friends on his graduation day....but who was I in their eyes? The elementary school teacher big sister....boring!
It was HIS MOMENT to share with his friends...
but the JOY I felt for him was tremendous!
(notice that he was carrying a book to read during the ceremony, or was it his last term paper?)

Now I will reveal something I've never told to my little Brother....I admire him for his ability to follow his ideas and try something new, if it fails, oh well, pick up and start again. Sometimes it's a welcome change, sometimes it comes with a lot of hurt and sorrow and loss. He has done this time and time again and now I feel he is entering a stage when he knows what he wants and he's going for it. That's being 40, I think. He's found himself again but this time THIS IS IT! All his knowledge, creativity, drive, faith, and strong will to acheive will give him the success and happiness he has been searching for a long time!

On the other hand, the big sister has only had one job her whole adult career....happy with status quo, take no risks, follow along with what comes next rather than trying to make changes. Oh, you readers think...but you've done this, you've done that....you've moved to Sweden....the fact is travelling and adventuring are part of my hobbies, but taking steps to try something completely new as a career is a little scary for me, partially because I love my job teaching with students of all ages. I've fantasized many times about trying a new career...but the fantasy is only that. It stays in the treasure fantasy chest and only peeked at once in a while. Maybe some day.....who knows after I beat cancer, I may just have the courage to try something new! New adventures wait around each corner, you know!

My dearst Brother, you are the BEST a sister could ever have dreamed of for her lifetime! We have had good times to laugh at (Land of Cut the Cheese), we have fought like crazy (the Costa Rican machet incident comes to mind and the Princess Diana souvenir plate) and we have shared many quiet moments (walking in the rain with Maya under rainbow umbrellas)! I love you so much and I miss you so much. Your wisdom and knowledge about organic foods & proper excercise probably could have saved me from some of what I am suffering now...I wish I had listened to you more back in time. I am thankful you have faith in me now and continue to support me with suggestions (that I'm now following). You are a beautiful, kind soul and you are still my LITTLE brother even though (gasp) you are 40 years old today! No matter where you are or what you are doing....I'm always proud to point you out in a crowd and say
"THAT'S MY LITTLE BROTHER, the one I wished for when I was a little girl living in Peru."

Happy Birthday, Tom!

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Tom, I'm so sorry...my energy is wiped and I am having some computer memory problems again...maybe has something to do with the 14, 000 photos on my hard drive? help me!
I had full intentions of scanning all kinds of great, embarrassing and fun photos of you from my collection. Soon....then you will get your REAL present from me! xoxxo

Double Delightful

2009-04-13T22:18:00.003+02:00

Double, Double Delight Monday!
Jennifer came with her twins and her Mum, Cathy, who is one of my favorite people! It was a double delight for me and I wasn't prepared for Cathy to be here too (Jennifer had told me she was working)...as soon as I saw them get out of the car I burst into tears! (remember I'm PMS!) It was so wonderful to see ALL of the Barkers!

The babies are GORGEOUS, ROBUST, and HAPPY! Colin and Amanda entertained us with their smiles, dribbles, and just plain cuteness! Jennifer is an excellent mum especially getting her long time wish come true! (twins= boy and girl) I was so pleased to see them on their little puffy quilts that I made for them! I hope they will have lots of fun on them in the future....and once they are walking they can use them for picnics, tea parties and matresses in their little indoor huts! Thank you Jennifer for sharing your treasures with us today! Next time I see them I hope to be more lively myself and be able to play with them! Maya loved being an "older" child, she kept bringing them stuffed animals to look at and she enjoyed their reactions! (later she told me that she did NOT want twin siblings!)

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One of my workmates is a kind, gentle, and very thoughtful woman named Mimmi (Maria)....I've been meaning to show this for some time on my blog but never get around to it. She makes these beautiful bouquets out of leaves...so simple, yet I think so stunning!
I miss you Mimmi! And all our small talks! Hug to you!

Here's one view of my beloved Crescent Beach....on a windy day...no sweat dripping on this day! Just thought I'd show it! I talk about it so much. My Dad sent me this photo last year. Can't wait to be back there jumping in the waves! Talked to my nurse today....feeling positive! Only one more day of waiting until the liver biopsy! She gave me a lot of details about what will happen but I'll wait to write about it after it happens then you'll get the REAL story! Thank you to everyone for your continued support!

A Good Friday

2009-04-12T22:32:00.005+02:00

What a GOOD FRIDAY we had at Maria and Andreas's home outside in the garden! Thank you so much for inviting all of us! You don't know how much we appreciated the attentions, the delicious Greek food, the laughter, and your kind hospitally! I ate more that meal than I have eaten in long time! I felt so good!

Maria: I will call you to tell you this in person if I can manage to do it without crying...but I wanted you to know how wonderful it is that our friendship doesn't just revolve around work (we only talked a little about it when we were alone) and that during dinner my illness wasn't mentioned once! I Love you, my Aussie-Greek friend! Maya and Antonia enjoyed their individual servings of pannacotta and berries! We left Maya with her bike and helmet to spend the night with Antonia...what a treat it was for her! She's still talking about it! Antonia is only 2 months older than Maya but she's so advanced physically...a head taller, stronger, more balanced. We took advantage of the situation to see if Antonia would inspired Maya to ride her bike on her own....it worked! With a little more smooth road practice Maya should be biking without training wheels soon. Thank you Amilon FAMILY!

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Later that evening, I had to stop taking the Ibprophen in order to prepare for the liver biopsy blood tests. New pains started to come and I threw up my dinner (not Maria's food!). I was rather scared and shakey. Since then I have not had much energy. I took it easy on Saturday only helping a little bit with the Easter rabbit preparations. Rested as much as possible before Maya came back from Antonia's so we could dye Easter eggs together outside in the Florida room.

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Sunday we had the Easter egg hunt (which is not a Swedish tradition) in the forest behind our house. Each year we invite the neighbor's 2 children to join Maya and it's a lot of fun.

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Off the ibprophen is awful...new pains along my left breast, breathing is difficult--being poked in the side--, back ache, and on top of everything I'm PMS. It just doesn't seem fair. I keep repeating to myself, this will pass, this will pass, I can survive....I WILL SURVIVE!

Looking forward to a visit tomorrow from a former colleague, Jennifer and her twins! I will finally give them the presents I have made for them! Will definitely post photos of that special event! :-)

On Monday afternoon, my in-laws will come to celebrate with Swedish style Easter food...I'm not sure I can sit at the table with them...somehow the pickled herrings that I usually love do not appeal to me at all at this time. But I can handle the hard boiled eggs. There's hope! No snaps for me this year either! next year!

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Crafty News

Each year I try to participate in a FAWCO fund raising event by making a quilt square or two (or 3) based on a theme. After we send in our squares the organizer always sends us a colored print of the completed quilt that was raffled at the International FAWCO Conference. This year's theme was "Save the Planet" and my contribution was the little polar bear with orca friends on the top row, second from the right. FAWCO is an NGO of the UN...Federation of American Women's Clubs Overseas.

Survived the MRI

2009-04-09T18:59:00.009+02:00

Adjusting the pain medicines this morning was EXTREMELY difficult for me (see previous post) but I managed to hold out until around 9:30 for the full dosage to make sure I was comfortable during the whole MRI procedure...it would have been pure hell to run out of meds while I was in that noisy tube! OK...so, here's the MRI story....DO NOT exam my hair at closer view....I sweat the entire time I was at the hospital like a dang race horse after the Kentucky Derby! When I sweat like that I get Medusa hair (as Bo has decided to call it), it's not at its highest in this photo but you kind of get the idea. I wake up with it nearly every morning now after the night sweats. OK...back to the story...the first hour was spent in my own private "get the poop out" room. My wonderful, faithful-through-the-worse husband administered the dreadful laxative and then we waited for the results, which were as they should be. Enough said about that. Then the technician/nurse Rolf (who couldn't have been a nicer man) took us over to the MRI area where he outfitted me in this lovely two piece outfit. The cropped pants were comfortable and I would have liked to take them home! (should have asked) The back of the pants had a velcro snap so the Doctor would have access to my rump. The gown was comfortable and a perfect fit! (I should have one of these at home too!) If I had known the outfit was going to be blue, I would have choosen a different pair of socks...but really...who cares when you're at the hospital! ? Next, I met the Doctor who went over, again, the MRI procedure. Rolf had already explained it to me but what the heck, I listened again. This Doctor was ONLY there to insert contrast dye into my butt. (oh lucky him!) Rolf held my hand tightly and Bo was kissing my sweating head while the Doctor was torturing me. SCREAMS! Once the dye was inserted I was back on my back again and ready to be photographed inside, all around. Several people had given me suggestions and related their MRI stories to me but as always, each person's experience is unique! I brought along a couple of CDs to play on their sound system, as instructed by the brochure I got in the mail. To avoid the claustrophic feelings, (and to avoid thinking about being in coffin!) I had planned topics to think about in the machine while listening to one of my CDs. They put on the gospel choir CD I got from Åsa yesterday with really up lifting songs on it! (Tack Åsa! Jag tycker om det välligt mycket!)

So there I was cozy in my cocoon, Bo vigilantly watching the top of my sweaty head (they had to change the towel on my pillow before we started!), ready to "drive to Crescent Beach" in my head while grooving to the spiritual rhythms of the music. Then the machine started! (Amanda at Scrandasnewland told me she has doozed off during her MRIs! wow) Could that thing be any LOUDER! Where was my peaceful, relaxing cocooning? First, I thought I was in the engine room of a steam ship for "3 minutes" (not the Titanic, please!), then quiet--oh, THERE's my music for 10 seconds, next I was at a party with the Aborginals of Australia--stomp dancing around the desert to the beats of a diggeridoo for "2.5 minutes", quiet again while they adjusted the machine view "Ain't no mountian high enough" for 15 seconds, back to the steam ship for "3 minutes" (Rolf told me how long each photo session was lasting.).

I forced myself to think about driving to Crescent Beach (after all, I was looking forward to the ride and the destination!) ...drive out pass the Gainesville airport, make a left at the "dangerous intersection", pass Melrose (wave at Natalie's street, even if she doesn't live there anymore), Putnam Hall to the right (count the guys at the corner, supposed to determine how high the waves will be--folk legend), pass the Bible Camps, pass Flora Home (where once I ran out of gas on my way home while hauling my brother's surf board and his friend's on top of our VW, dog and cat in the car- no leash or box, wearing ONLY a bathing suit and flipflops...I opened the windows just enough to let in air but not to let out the cat, wrapped a towel around me and started to walk 1-2 miles back to Flora Home, didn't get but 20 yards from the car when I good Samaritan- an older gentleman- stopped his pickup truck and siphoned off enough gas for me to get to a working gas station in Putnam Hall- he said to me "This is not a good situation for a young lady like you to be in. Always keep your tank with at least a quarter of a tank", I've always tried after that!), then....let's where was I on the road...oh, next Palatka (where one of our funniest family moments occurred while we stopped for gas and our "Fluffy" kitty got out of the car--image all four of us running around the streets of Palatka yelling "Fluffy, FLUFFY...." it was like a Chevy Chase Vacation movie scene--really bad but we found the cat!) , cross over the St. John's river....turn left towards Hastings...stop at County Line for fresh veggies (delicious!) and Bull Chips (made right there in Hastings...darn good...say the name as fast as you can & you'll see why we kids thought it was so funny), once I had a spin out in a rental car at the Hastings intersection while on Spring Break in college driving with my roomate, Dianne (do you remember?) and my exchange sister from Peru, Lucy....it was scary! Anyway....this is where I couldn't concentrate anymore during the "drive"...maybe the sounds of the machine were to great for me to over come or maybe the anticipation of getting to the beach was too much for my Florida homesick head. Then the final round of photos were accompanied by a tremendous racket of concrete street drills....ba babababababababab...babababababab......babababab...at that point I was getting REALLY HOT, sweat pouring off my forehead, making my face itch, the light over my head like the sunshine....so naturally I skipped driving the rest of the way to Crescent Beach...I was THERE! I was basking in the Florida sun mid-day like a fool that I was in High School..craving the deep, bronzed look we all wanted back then! It was a windless day and the concrete drills drowned out the sound of any waves that were in my mind. "Carol, we're almost over, only 2.5 more minutes." BABBABABABABABABABB.....BABABABABABBA..finished! Out I came from the plastic cocoon, absolutely SOAKED in sweat head to feet! Thank goodness I was wearing that gorgeous blue outfit! The results will be ready for my team of Doctors next week after Easter weekend. Then Wednesday....LIVER BIOPSY! Need for a plan of survival for that one! You know what's truly amazing? Look at this wrap around skirt (sarong?) that Betsy mailed to me from Hawaii just 3 days ago....YES, it's the map of Florida, including GAINESVILLE, PALATKA and CRESCENT BEACH! (there's even Randy Austin driving his race car!) What a great gift, Bets! THANK YOU! And what incredible timing...I had just decided to mentally drive to Crescent Beach when I received this package! Can you believe that? You're in my soul, girl! And to finish up this post....Look at what my darling husband bought me...my own COMFORTABLE lounge chair for outdoors! (it was a suggestion from one of you, but I can't remember who, sorry! maybe Kate? ) Now I can enjoy the outdoors even if my body doesn't want to cooperate! It very easy to tilt back slowly just using my feet...and easy to get up too! So that's it for today! We're going to watch a good funny movie Love and Lyrics (from Kelly Sue's collection, thank you!). Looking forward to seeing the Amilon family tomorrow! :-)
I thank all the doctors and nurses who helped me today, especially Rolf!

Nervous for today

2009-04-09T06:44:00.003+02:00

I woke up with a new pain and I'm so nervous about today's MRI. It hurts to breath a regular breath......something, probably a nasty tumor or nerve is poking into my lungs when I fill with air at a certain spot on the right side. oh I want this to be fixed! I"m probably hungry...really hungry. I had to fast with only liquids yesterday to prepare for today's test. Not easting was actually rather easy for me since I don't find food at all appealing anymore but I feel like something else is eating me from the inside faster if I haven't eaten for the strength of my body. For breakfast I can have plain white bread and liquid. Looking forward to that! Drank 4 protein drinks yesterday and my wheat grass shot. I can eat again after the procedure at 1:00pm. Oh give me strength......patience, this too will pass. It's part of the battle I keep telling myself!

Tuesday's nice things

2009-04-08T20:07:00.003+02:00

Very quickly...I've been on my way to the shower all day and I"m STILL in my PJ's at 9pm! I will finish this post later tonight! no promises...detours happen!

Thank you to my Easter Swap partner, TAMMY, for these cute surprises! I'd almost forgotten about the Easter Swap I signed up for "pre-cancer" although I've made one thing for my partner and I've communicated with the organizer (Bush Baby) a couple of times.....then a sweet package arrived from Tammy at www.onefrustratedmomma.blogspot.com....this is what was inside!

Thank you Tammy!

As always, my daughter wants to take everything from me but this time she remembered it was for Mommy! She really liked the SPRING mini banner...we'll put it on our Easter Tree. I love the little bunny and egg! But where did the chocolate go? Oops! (My Dad ate it!) Isn't this flower lovely? Purplely on the outside, green on the inside...only you have to lift up the blossom to see how lovely! It's a shy flower! This plant lives at the summer house where the temperatures are warmer than at our regular house.
A mighty fine strut on this peasant who was prancing proudly through our yard trying to impress his lady friend! (slight glare as I took photo through the window)
Pappa took Maya and her class friend, Julia, down to the beach to look for shells, etc. A little chilly but a lot of fun for both of them! The tide was waaayyyyyy out while we stopped by. I did walk out to feel the water..too cold! (I am too weak & pained to walk down from the house, my dad drove me to the beach side...pitiful!) I can't wait until the summer again to frolick in the waves avoiding jelly fish! LOL Doesn't Mom look so Nordic strolling along the early spring beachside?
We buy our fresh eggs here at a self serve nursery near the summer house! GREAT prices on perennials (20 kr. a plant) and 4 kr. for pansies and annuals.
Dad bought me a bunch of plants for my garden at home...we picked out ones that rabbits DO NOT like! (at least the plants they didn't like last year...who knows, their tastes might change this year!) Damn rabbits! Can you believe they're already digging up my rose roots? I hung our "pumpkin lady" upside down over one of them...might work! (you'd have to see my October posting to know who the "pumpkin lady" is)

Three good days in a row!

2009-04-08T14:35:00.007+02:00

Today I can say that I think I've finally gotten my pain in control...after 3 days of "wake up feeling good" (not pain free, but MUCH better than thinking PAIN from the moment my eyes open). It's much better when I take my medicines exactly every 6 hours rather than waiting for the pain to begin and then take them. Someone (and I don't remember who) told me that was the key...to anticipate when they would start and jump on it before the pain got worse. I can feel exactly when the medicine starts to wear off at about 5 1/2 hours, so I lay on "my" couch (nest) and distract myself in some way (embrodier with iPod- music or story/look at magazine/read a bit of a book/play or talk with Maya or someone near by) then I slowly eat something before I take the new set of medicines...sitting up. (Bo is very insistent that I SIT UP) Then I snooze on the couch another hour (sweating and having hot spells) until the new medicine kicks in. After that...I'm good to go again! At night I find it best to take my first round of pain killers at midnight (after eating a bowl of Quaker Oats instant oatmeal-yummy flavored from the USA), those meds keep me relatively pain free until about 5:30-6:00am, then I wake up eat a digestive (like a graham cracker) to take the 6 am dosage, sleep (and sweat) until 7 or 8 am...then I wake up "feeeeeeelllling GREAT" (remember Tony the Tiger?). It's wonderful to wake up that way without any organs screaming bloody murder at me!

This is not to say that I am completely pain free....because "it" is always there reminding me. Like when you are pregnant and you know little sweet baby is there...but this is the opposite because it is not a good, warm feeling...it's a hard, tight, jabbing "I'm ready to gobble you up" feeling.

Anyway....we got good news today...TOMORROW is my MRI in the Angleholm hospital. I'm 'fasting' today, just clear liquids and my protein drinks. I'll be in the MRI tube from 30 minutes to an hour. According to the letter I received, I can take along my own CDs for them to play for me! good! My mind has come up with a list of topics for me to think about in detail while I'm in the tube as well so I don't get freaky claustrophic while they are photographing me.
Some of the topics are:
- remembering and describing little details of the exact route from Gainesville to Crescent Beach, Florida. (ex: Putnam Hall-count the people at the corner, Melrose-wave at Natalie's house, Hastings-stop for fresh veggies & Blue Chips, Palatka-stop for Dairy Queen frosty & gas, etc.)
- plan out Maya's bird party (already have the ideas but need to put in order)
- think of changes for my garden (think about what's already planted and what it will look like this year)
- design next quilting project
- image myself cancer free!

In the post today I also got the information about the Liver Biospy (capital letters as this is the BIG one!). On the 15th of April (next Wednesday) I have to be at the hospital at 7:30 am for blood tests but the actual appointment isn't until 10:00. I will be in bed all day since this organ is rather bloody and it will be well monitored for leaks after they puncture it! Unfortunately, I counted out my menstral cycle (I'm Ms. Regular-to-the-day) and wouldn't you know it...piss off if I'm not starting my period that same day! Thank goodness I will be on heavy duty anethesias!
(the spell check on my blogspot doesn't work...how do you spell that word?) When it rains, it pours...in this case, bleeds! (sorry guys!)

All of a sudden I feel like things are moving faster and a week doesn't seem so long anymore...I'm holding my weight more or less steady. I feel stronger and calmer. (I do cry a little every day though but not much.) The sun is shining! I have many events to look forward to in the next couple of weeks. I feel the love and support of everyone who knows me around the world! My battle amour has been polished and I'm READY TO FIGHT!

Later today I will post some fun photos about our outing to the summer house and my surprises from the post box from Tuesday and Wednesday!

Sunday with Cousins

2009-04-06T15:53:00.005+02:00

Opening birthday gifts continued on Sunday with the arrival of Ulf and Olivia Nilsson from Köln, Germany! Ulf is my husband's other brother who owns a foo-foo wine shop in Hagen. He is one of Europe's wine masters (with title)! He always brings us wonderful wines to enjoy at the moment or some to savior in the distant future. The one he served last night, which I couldn't have, was exceptional apparently but he left a bottle for me to have after I've beaten this rotten cancer! I'm certainly looking forward to that! Olivia and Maya had a jolly good time outside as well as inside together despite their language differences. Olivia only speaks German with some Italian (her father has taught her Italian since he used to live in Italy for 10 years and he hopes she will be fluent some day--perhaps to take over his wine business?). Maya with her Swedish and English (and bits of Spanish) gets a little frustrated that Olivia can't speak SOMETHING that she can understand! But amazingly enough they find the way to communicate with each other enough to have a lot of fun together! Kids always do! Here they are preparing something that never flourished...but they certainly look artistic! They are exactly a year apart in age, Maya is older & slightly taller but Olivia is more muscular and tougher than petite Maya. Both are PRINCESSES! Although Pepe wore this tutu with pride, he wasn't such a cooperative dancer in the troope. He preferred to be a member of the audience!

With the right music, the ballerinas performed their best piece yet!
Bravo, BRAVO!

At the moment, (Monday afternoon) the cousins are out on a picnic with Farmor, Farfar, Papa and Pepe! I've taken the quiet time to sleep, take a walk (went 600 meters today! better than yesterday!), and catch up on this blog! Oh...here they come back!
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Farmor is COVERED with Maya's car sickness throw up! GROSS! But Maya is fresh in clean clothes and running to the swings with Olivia. Poor Farmor! (Maya reported that she PUKED ALOT!) It was rather obvious by the look of Farmor's clothes and hair (even in her ear!). Yuck!
Sorry to share so much but this blog tells it like it is! That's life!

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PS- Ever since our upstairs bathroom has been "in renovation" Maya and I have been taking a shower and sauna together in our basement bathroom. (We have very interesting sauna talks!) Before our Sunday guests arrived we were again doing our routine there in the bathroom, it is often difficult for me to bend down to pick things up from lower levels and Maya has proved to be quite handy to have around as she is so willing to be a Mommy's helper! I asked her to please pick up the dirty clothes to take them to the laundry room and she did it without a fuss. Then I asked her to hand me my socks and pants which of course she did without a fuss. So I said to her how much I appreciated her help, especially when I only had to ask her to do it once (instead of our usual bantering!). She replied, "I want to help you as much as I can Mommy so you won't die!" (choke! my heart flew to my throat!) So then I answered, "I thought you were doing it to be nice." "Oh and that, too!" she said.

I had the awful thought that if I do die she might think it was HER FAULT for not helping me enough! Each comment I make is so weighted these days. It's a precious line between the wrong and the right way to say something to her sweet little ego ...I just hope I will say and do more right things than wrong things.

Wheat Grass Power!

2009-04-06T15:31:00.004+02:00

After the visit to the doctor on Friday it was time to harvest, grind and drink my first shot of HOME GROWN WHEAT GRASS! We mixed it with a bit of cranberry juice to make it a little less grassy, however I still felt like a customer at a cow bar! (Imagine a Gary Larsson cartoon...Carol with a bunch of heffers at a farm house saloon! Bar tender: "What'll you have?" Carol: "A Cape Cod Meadow shot! Moooony thanks!" ) Cape Cods are one of my favorite drinks...cranberry juice, vodka with a splash of lime. I'll have one as soon as I can! In the meantime, I'll be doing shots of wheat grass! The more I have them the more I like them! They are growing on me! (pun intended)Mom insisted that I be in the photo....I don't have on a bra so I'm holding my arm in a funny way to cover up my floppy boobies. At night I often take it off because it sits right at the bottom of my rib cage where one of the liver tumors is located so it can be rather irritating and constricting. Between the weight loss, lack of excercise and gravity I'm afraid some parts of me are sagging much too quickly!

Has anyone else tried wheat grass shots? It's not just for cancer.

Saturday April 4

2009-04-06T07:36:00.005+02:00

Maya's Family Birthday Party
Our Guests: the Nilsson Family (Farmor, Farfar, Leif-Bo's brother),
the Doughty Family (Mormor, Granpa),
the Carlsson Family (Sophia, Caithlin, Kelly Sue, Peder)
and the Paerregard-Torres Family (Ana Maria, Karsten- from Copenhagen)
What a day it was with cake, Polly Pocket frenzy, Littlest Pet Shop dreams come true, West Dean Art Institue presentation by Ana Maria (one of my "crafty" idols), delicious dinner, and GREAT company! I was able to do some resting on the couch during the party...see my new slippers that Ana Maria made for me?

Mom, Dad and Karsten/Dad, Leif, Barbro & Bo/ Caithlin and Maya (Kelly Sue background) Every year since Maya was 3 she has designed her own cakes for me to make for her theme parties. This year she has choosen a "bird" party. (Her 'friends' party will be all about birds but the family party only has a hint of it.) She drew the design for the cake a few days before as you can see in the photo however, this year I wasn't able to cut the cake into the form she designed but we settled on just repeating her design on the top of the cake. Unfortunately, I was having a great deal of pain Saturday morning and had to rely on my Mom to frost the cake first, somehow I was able to force myself to make the decorative frosting with the colors and squeeze the design out. It looks better in the photo than in real life and Maya and I had a great laugh over it. She is very accepting of my limitations now. By the end of the evening I was exhausted but it was well worth the happiness the day brought my family, and especially to Maya! To be able to sit/lay down and chat with my family friends was uplifting for my soul and spirit! Thank you all!

Visit with Dr. Blue Lagoon

2009-04-04T00:58:00.005+02:00

We went to visit Dr. Blue Lagoon today...all other doctors and nurses had already "left the office" by 13:00! He was the only one there waiting for us. Reminded me of the dedicated teachers who stay behind to have "just one more" parent-child meeting on a Friday afternoon. He was there because he wanted to see me and he was willing to stay as long as we had questions to ask and things to discuss. Today he smiled more than once during our talk but for the most part he was very professional and nuetral, as he should be. I'm too tired to write more tonight but I can tell you that Bo and I both felt a LOT better after our 1.5 hour chat with him. He listened to my lungs, which I had had some worries about and he felt around my stomach for all the painful spots. Everything normal for a person with 3 tumors on her liver! Low nightly fevers (38-39 oC), furious sweats after medications that last for an hour, and increased pain in my abdomen are normal for me. He did recommend one more painkiller which helped a lot today! (just a high dosage of ibprophen in between the other pills) The mind is a powerful muscle, he reminded me yet again, I must use it! Keep positive and use the waiting time to my advantage!

* REST * KEEP WEIGHT STABLE * MOVE & BE STRONG * RELAX * ENJOY *

Big day tomorrow...Maya's "family birthday party"! More about that later! Betsy- I will buy the Qigong dvds tomorrow over Amazon! Looked them up now and found quite a selection. Chose the ones by Gaiam. Thanks for the push! ALOHA!

Natalie- these people in the hospital already know me...from the dietician's secretary on the ground level to the nurses up in the cancer unit on the 3rd floor...I've spoken to a few on the phone and today I got the "Are you Carol? nice to meet you in person" chat! Felt good! Can tell they all want a positive outcome for me!

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Wishing all my colleagues and friends a GLAD Påsklov!
What gorgeous weather we will have this week!
Hug yourself and your families!
Be Healthy!

I was kidnapped today....

2009-04-02T23:43:00.004+02:00

without a blind fold, no violence...treated with only tenderness and love! Kelly Sue came to take Mom and me away to see "something different" instead of the same four walls of the house (so to speak)...I really needed to GET OUT! and what a lovely day it was! Nothing exciting or wild...just a slow, quiet walk through Landskrona to search out fun shops, then a drive to see the many sculptures around the crocus covered parks. Later we drove to Helsingborg so I could visit a wonderful organic (ecological) shop called GOODNESS on Drottingsgatan, owned by an English woman who used to live in California! (Thank you Wiveka for the information where to find her!) I bought my first WHEAT GRASS SHOT, mixed with a bit of apple juice. YUMMY! No kidding! She offered me some other healthy tips for my liver as well as answered all my questions about growing our own wheat grass. (It's almost ready to harvest!) I will be back to visit her shop with more money in my pocket! (She sells organic cleaning supplies as well as food products and clothes, make up, etc.) Thank you, Kelly Sue for a great kidnapping! Just my speed at this moment! I LOVE spring in Sweden...the flower shops spill out onto the sidewalks in all shades of green and bits of the rainbow! When I came home there were a few surprises waiting....My Dad was finishing up a new fence around my little herb garden! I doubt there are any rabbits or hares that can get by this fence! Soon I can plant kitchen herbs, lettuce, and a few flowers to attract the bees and butterflies! The other surprise I will show you tomorrow....Bo is making more advances on the bathroom project! Today was Maya's last day of swim class until the summer. She's on the left with the cute new BIKINI that she got on her birthday...it's a size 7, a little big so it didn't really cover her correctly. She was SO pleased that André the scuba suit cutie instructor noticed her pretty new suit! (André is Maya's official first crush! Perhaps it is André but it could also be the scuba suit!) Mormor (Polly, my mom) put on her suit to continue swimming with Maya after the class and diploma ceremony was over. Yeah, Mormor! I sat around the side of the pool and talked & talked with my friend, Maria (Jakob's mommy...he's the one with the snorkling gear on). Maria asked Jakob what he was going to look at in the pool with his goggles on...he replied "I'm going to look at Maya's Mormor underwater!" (We had a jolly chuckle over this at dinner time...told Dad that Mom was still being checked out by the boys!) Anyway, my talk with Maria was much needed...our children have been friends since babyhood and they are in the same class together at school. Talking about life's OTHER worries and wonders was excellent therapy for me! Thank you, Maria! We should do that more often like we used to...the stories you tell me about your children always make me laugh! At the end of the swim time, we practically had to drag Jakob and Maya out of the sauna...what a pair of chatter boxes! Ah....wouldn't have anything to do with their mothers, would it? I must tell you all about the evening Jakob told his parents about my illness. (Maya had told him at school that I had a "klumpen i rumpan" and the poopies couldn't get out.) Some time after he told his parents about this, they were sitting at the dinner table and Jakob had a very pensive look on his face, playing with his fork with one hand, rubbing his chin with the other...deep in thought. They asked him what he was thinking about. He answered, "There must be a way to fix Carol's problem. If only a gate could be made to let the poopies out another way!" I told Maria that Jakob has taken his first step into becoming a medical engineer! What a love! Thinking about how to solve one of my problems! Jakob is already an accomplished carpenter with his own shop! Thanks Jakob! Maybe one day you'll be 'fixing' people! I'd be so proud!

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One last thing, because I've been thinking about it a lot today. I'll be honest, I couldn't relax during my nap because I was crying about all the people I KNOW AND LOVE who smoke.

If you are a smoker, PLEASE STOP! I don't care if you "just smoke at parties", or "at the bus stop", or "one a night on the balcony", or "just to release stress". Because CANCER doesn't give a shit WHY you smoke or WHEN you smoke or even HOW long you've been smoking. That smoke you pull willingly into your body KILLS, DAMAGES and RUINS your health! It CREATES a MONSTER inside you...a monster that you can't touch or grab and yank back out the same way you put it in there! I used to smoke "just at parties" and "just to release stress". I quit over 10 years ago when I got serious with Bo (xo). Thank God I did because who knows what other kinds of cancer I'd have now! I'm telling you NO STRESS in your life can cause the same pain, despair and fear that cancer causes in your life! If you don't stop for yourself...STOP for the people you LOVE and the ones who LOVE YOU! Believe me....you don't want to be in the same situation I'm in right now. I don't think my cancer is smoking related but it could have something to do with why my body was weaker for the cancer to take hold. Buy yourself a package of chewing gum, life savers, whatever...start walking away the stress....ANYTHING to avoid smoking! PLEASE!
I love too many of you who still smoke....
and you know EXACTLY WHO I AM WRITING ABOUT!
So STOP NOW!

********* This rant was brought to you by the Cancer Research Foundation which has proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that SMOKING causes Cancer! *************

No fooling about on April 1

2009-04-02T00:06:00.004+02:00

A busy day!
By the light of a glowing candle, we woke Maya up with the Happy Birthday song ! She was VERY pleased! She dressed as an "Easter Chicken" for the school Easter activities. (I didn't get a photo of her.) Her costume was a big hit in the class...wings, tail, beak and mask! She celebrated her birthday with her classmates with chocolate ice cream sticks!

I won't tell you about all my aches and pains....but I did spend a lot of time sleeping again on the sofa in between wrapping Maya's gifts, opening my mail and talking on the telephone. The weather was so wonderfully warm that we ate lunch in the Florida room! Nice! (Florida Room is a glassed in outdoor room.)

After all the phone calls I received today, I don't feel neglected quite so much by the medical staff at Helsingborg Hospital! Let's see...yup, I talked to about everyone involved with my case at the moment except Dr. Soft Swede.

Here are the summaries of the conversations:
Dr. Blue Lagoon
- he is concerned about my high infection rating on the blood test I had last Thursday, possible virus? or? wants to do another test on Friday...probably why I get fevers and hot sweats.
- some of the pain I am feeling could be a gall bladder spasism but he would have to do an ultrasound on me to tell (no conclusive decision was made about this) he'll check me out on Friday
- wants to SEE me on Friday to see how I'm doing in general (have I gone looney yet?) - I forgot to ask him more questions....so I asked them when I spoke to the Nurse Petra later in the day for her to ask him....darn it.

Nurse Petra
- appointment for the liver biospy is April 15 (oh my, 2 weeks!) She was disappointed in the time but tried to keep me optimistic about it. I will be there the WHOLE day and until after dinner but not over night, mostly in a bed.
- asked for practical stuff like the paper work to send to the Swedish insurance so that I get my salary during this time off
- need to keep focus on my weight and strength

Dietician Albin and Nurse Marita
- both were very pleased that my dad is making me veggie juice everyday to drink!
- both were very pleased that we are growing wheat grass for me to drink...full of good vitamins and minerals
- emphasized that I need to eat cooked meals, chicken and fish, lots of veggies and fruits.
- I'll be getting a prescription for the protein drinks to pick up at the pharmacy in Perstorp, need to continue to drink 2 of them a day
***I liked both of these people very much...both were really upbeat! Dr. Albin even laughed!

I remembered to tell both the Dr. Blue Lagoon and Petra that I want them to call on my house phone first since it is the most reliable way to contact me! Mail lady is great...she beeps her horn for someone to come out to collect my packages (instead of us having to retrieve them from the PO). I'm so spoiled! Look what I got today! Thank you to Betty for the crafty equipment holder! It will go with me to the hospital! (I might ask Maya to draw on it with fabric paints to brighten it up, I agree with you...it's a little boring but practical.)
Thank you to Tree, Larry and the kids for the BEAR HUG! She slept with me today! So soft! LOVED the photos of your beautiful children!
Thank you Doreen for the WAIT book! Started to read it already! The words speak right to me! Lots of lessons in there!
Thanks Holly for my Posty Pal fabric card! HUG! Perfect for what I need now!
Thank you to Karen in Australia for the pretty, cheery scarf and fabric snips basket! So thoughtful!

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Birthday GIRL!

Gosh, she looks like a seven year old...no longer my baby! She got two Peruvian embrodiery pieces from my parents...as many of you who know me know, I was born in Peru and lived there until I was around 4-5 (we travelled back and forth). The yellow, wool skirt Maya is wearing is one of my "cholita" skirts! (from the Andean Indians) It's beautifully hand- embrodiered in thick wools. It's so wonderful to see Maya wearing it with such enjoyment! She really appreciates the workmanship on it! (and it is a perfect yellow color for her chicken outfit!) King Pappa helping Princess Maya into her "click clack" shoes!
Heaven! Maya got one of her birthday wishes! First pair of "high heeled" shoes! Another birthday wish was spaghetti and meatballs for dinner! Here she is talking to Uncle Leif and continuing to stuff her face with food! What a mess! (Fanciful pin from Helen and John! Thank you!)

Tomorrow...Kelly Sue is taking Mom and me on a road trip to a magical shop....I'll take my camera along to capture the moments!
Happy for another day over and one less day to wait!

Tuesday contacts

2009-03-31T23:16:00.005+02:00

Tuesday....lots of pain in the morning...walking around like a hunched over old hag.....had trouble reaching to put laundry away....not good. Cried out frustration. Rested a lot on the sofa...listened to book on iPod....looked at magazines....read snail mail...clipped my fingernails.....nothing much. No energy. I felt better after a hot shower and stretched my body and breathed deeply. I want to learn more about Chai Quon (or something like that). A friend has told me there is a woman in Helsingborg who specializes in a form of Thai Chi for cancer patients. Waiting for her to get back to me.....always waiting....it seems.

Finally talked to my nurse. Both she and my doctor had called me yesterday but only on my mobile phone...which I only use when I'm out and about.(otherwise it's turned off) Neither one tried our house phone although they both had the number. Growl! I will tell them tomorrow that I prefer the house phone but from now on I will have the cell phone handy by.

Summary of Nurse phone talk:
- no appointment time set for my liver biospy - will get back to me about it tomorrow
- no appointment time set for my MRI (see above)
- no appointment time set for dietician meeting (see above)
- result from one blood test concerning my nightly fevers...yes, my blood number for infection is high, perhaps it is a virus- Doctor will talk to me about it tomorrow.
- nurse suggested that I get in touch with Kamrater (don't know if I have the spelling right) for support & suggestions about how to tell my daughter! WHAT? Like I've known this for 3 weeks now....Been there, Done that! Got many books already on the subject, thank you very much. (do I sound bitter yet?! I felt like screaming to her...YOU PEOPLE ARE SO BLOODY SLOW THIS IS MY LIFE WE ARE DEALING WITH!!!!) Breathe deeply. ouch. that hurts. Breathe swallow.
- I got a little upset about the MRI appointment delay (see yesterday's post) and told her that in Landskrona there is a machine that hardly gets used and if I could I please transfer down there for that procedure so that it gets DONE faster....she got a little flustered and told me that Helsingborg Hospital doesn't usually use Landskrona's equipment but if I was willing to go to ängleholm there could be a possiblity that I could get an appointment sooner than in Helsingborg (since they only have one working machine but they are working longer days and on weekends to meet the 2 week waiting period limit). She asked if I would need a tranquilizer for the MRI, because if so than I can only go to Helsingborg but I told her I can stand the small enclosure for the test...I just want to GET IT DONE! As long as it is not physically painful, I can handle the claustrophobia bit. So now I'm on the list for both places. Yeah!
- she reminded me to try to eat normal but small portioned balanced meals during the day...I could have some sweets, chocolate, a little wine....I stopped her and said but I'm on Dexofem painkillers the first doctor told me to ABSOLUTELY NOT drink alcohol. She replied flustered again...oh, that's right! no alcohol. I'm beginning to wonder who is in charge here! Well, it's ME, of course, but SHE is the medically trained person! Breathe, Carol, don't freak out.
- she will get the doctor to fill out the necessary forms for the Insurance to pay me my wages now that I'm on official sick leave. (first 2 weeks are paid by the employer in Sweden)
- end of conversation....she will call me again tomorrow--HOPEFULLY with some REAL INFORMATION!!

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You should see the box of luscious truffles I got from my dear friend from San Franscisco, Janis and her partner, Maria! THANK YOU!!!! Loved the letter you wrote and thanks for the Allende speech! I told Bo we could SHARE the truffles. Is that fair enough?

Had a maravillosa telephone call from my best Peruvian friend in Switzerland! Giannina ALWAYS makes me laugh...sometimes to tears! Te quiero, mi amiga fame!perfectismisaoptimistmaestupenda, y tu familia tambien! ;-)

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Tomorrow is MAYA's 7th Birthday! She was so excited she couldn't sleep in her own bed...so she cuddled with me awhile in my bed before going to sleep. I asked her if she had any worries for the little box I keep in my pillow case but she replied "no worries tonight Mom, just excitement!" We will all go in to wake her up in the morning singing....but we'll open presents in the afternoon after school by the fireplace as is our custom. She'll go to school dressed as a Påskkyckling (Easter chick) tomorrow (an outfit she directed me to make last year). They will have an Easter Crafts Day with their mentors in the 2nd grade class. Should be fun for her!

During Maya's bath we had this conversation with the dinosaurs. (Maya is asking me to play with her so much more right now...I'm doing it, she needs it, feels good.)

Maya: You be the Mommy and Pappa Triceratops, I'll be the kid one.
Mommy: What will they be doing?
Maya: The Pappa one just wants to do the fun stuff like tickle the kid and be silly and the Mommy one wants the kid to do all the important stuff.
Mommy: What's the important stuff?
Maya: Like you do with me; brush teeth, comb hair, pick up room, go to bed, you know.
Mommy: Can't the mommy be silly too and do fun stuff?
Maya: Yeah, but the important stuff is IMPORTANT!
Mommy: Smile! :-) (at least she knows it's really important and not just nagging!)

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Tonight we watched About a Boy with Hugh Grant (always easy on the eyes!) ....but damn it if it didn't have a suicidial mother in the story! I didn't cry though...knew the outcome would be good!

Hoping all is well at school....no one has called me or emailed, so I guess it's OK.
Have to admit I don't think about my work so much but I do think about all the kids and the teachers! I miss you all!

That's all for now...time for bed!
Tomorrow I will be reporting more concrete news! Yes!

Not much of a Monday

2009-03-30T23:32:00.004+02:00

Monday, Monday....waiting, waiting.

Tried to get in touch with my special nurse, Petra, but the phone was either busy or she was busy. Will try again tomorrow. Sort of put me in a down mood. I had the impression that she would be there for me whenever I called. wrong.

Found out that one of the two MRI machines at the Helsingborg Hospital is broken so the lines to get into to one are even longer.....my husband's Uncle is also in line for one (that's how we found out)...he got an appointment April 8...I don't even have an appointment time yet! My friend Kelly Sue said her Landskrona Hospital has one that they hardly use! I'm going to ask my nurse or doctor tomorrow how I go about getting over there instead. I'm trying hard not feel DESPERATE!

I counted down the "Friday cancer team Meetings" for when my case would potentially be discussed again...and wouldn't you know it * splat* it's on GOOD FRIDAY (långfredagen). A red day in Sweden when all professionals don't work! FUCKING SHIT TO HELL! (sorry!)
Can you believe it!???? Going to ask my nurse about that too. Maybe with any luck they have the cancer meeting a day in advance on red days! I'm afraid that is wishful thinking! So that means I'll have to wait another damn week for them to discuss me! SCREAMMMMMMMMM
Oh dear lord, give me patience, give me strength to endure this wait! I keep wondering how my care would have been different in the USA. But to travel to the USA for treatment is really out of the question. We don't have insurance there. And that would mean completely uprooting my family and REALLY disturbing my darling Maya's life. Can't think like that....I'm here. All good things come in good time. Breathe Deeply.

We watched BIG tonight with Tom Hanks (love that man!)...even though it's not a knock out laugh movie, it's one of my favorites and I already knew the outcome. I was sure I wouldn't cry. Last night was a disaster...we decided to watch P.S. I LOVE YOU because the box said "best romantic comedy since When Harry Met Sally", it failed to mention that the woman's husband dies of a brain tumor. So it was all about how she was dealing with his death. It would be a cute, funny story but NOT for me in my situation! By the end I was crying so much I thought I was having some sort of stomach spasms and that hurt all my insides! (My husband asked why I didn't turn off the dvd...but I wanted to know how it turned out! Thank God he wasn't watching it!) My parents went all freaky on me because they really didn't know what to do--hug me, slap me, shake me, sing to me. I took a sleeping pill to calm myself down and I couldn't get into bed fast enough to "close down". Not again shall that happen! No movies about anyone dying! (unless it's like Pirates of the Carribean or something ridiculous like that!)

My father planted some pansies in the back yard....makes things look more normal since that is something I would have done by now. Cheery. Bulbs are coming up all over the yard!

Bo worked on the bathroom cabinets. The electrician is coming this week to put in the light fixtures again.

Maya, cutie pie, is almost SEVEN! She keeps reminding us about the date! My little April Fool! We'll celebrate with more family and friends during the weekend. Her "Bird Party" with school friends will be a couple of weeks when the weather is nicer.Forgot to post these photos...THANKS to Mara my friend from GHS days for sending me some TURTLE POWER and comical reading! (That's her on the cover of A Rotten Apple: a memoir of teaching!) And THANKS to my dear esteemed colleague, Lori, from Elizabeth Street Elementary School days (80's) for her insightful selection of books for me (the parent with cancer) and Maya (child of a parent with cancer). We have already put those to good use every day! The interactive notebook I'll save for when treatment actually begins!
(below is the t-shirt Mara sent to me! Thank you!)

THANK YOU Erin and Nathaniel for the Planet Earth puzzles! They arrived today safely! Polly has already assessed the situation with Maya and they've decided to start with a 100 piece first! I also got a bunch of cards! :-) Thank you!

Taking my daily walks, pain or no pain, I must go! Today Maya followed on her bike. The neighbor's dog followed along with our dog. So we were quite the little group waddling down the road....reminded me that EXACTLY seven years ago today I walked in my house slippers (my feet were so swollen I couldn't wear shoes) with my parents & hubby for 3 miles through the forest a day before my first contractions started with Maya! Today I could barely walk a half mile! Oh boy....I will get back on trail again as soon as I kick cancer's ass! (literally!)

Wheat grass sprouts are growing in all various stages of development around the house! Meanwhile I'm mixing wheat grass powder in my morning water...feel just like a cow at
a bar! "Hey there bartender...I'd like a mug of your best grass!" Burp! You should see what the stuff does to my poops! (nothing hurts coming out! :-) Told Bo we could save them to dry out for burning in the wintertime! LOL

Yesterday one of my Swedish friends, whose son is in Maya's class, mentioned to me that Maya had told her son about my illness. I had already told this friend so she would be prepared since Maya and her boy talk A LOT together (for better or worse at times!). So I asked Maya about it.
Mommy: "Have you told any of your friends about my illness?"
Maya: "Oh yes, I've told many of them."
Mommy: "What did you say?"
Maya: "I said you have a bump in your rump that won't let the poopies out very well. And I also said you have a lovely liver paté that is working hard!"
(Now I'm thinking, Oh great...EVERYONE in Perstorp will think I'm having major hemorroid problems because I'm addicted to expensive goose liver paté!! or who knows what!) LOL

For those of you who don't speak Swedish...just read this like the Swedish Chef from the Muppet Show and see if it doesn't make you crack up!

"Min Mamma har klumpen i rumpan."

Well....it took me so long to write this that now it is Tuesday! Sure am glad Monday is behind me!

WISPS finished for March Challenge

2009-03-29T12:26:00.006+02:00

For my end of the month report to May Britt and Kris at Tag-Along-Teddies....here is what I finished in the month of March for the Challenge....and boy, was it a challenge to accomplish something this month! The month that has changed my entire life! Above...the Work in Slow Progress (wisp)....as how I left it off sometime in the 1990's.....and below, 3 of the 4 little Easter baskets that I will be sending off to new homes this week for the Easter Swap and Angel Swap. I'll keep one for Maya and another friend. Finally...I finished the twin girl baby quilt...started in 1996! Below you can see why I didn't machine quilt the baby quilts...the batting is just too fluffy for my machine, even with the walking foot on it. So I just hand tied the quilts together rather than properly quilting them. My mom and Maya are often head to head like this working on a puzzle together. So sweet. I'm so grateful they are here to help us. Their presence takes so much stress off of me to be super mom and super housewoman. I can rest, cry, sleep and be as I need without worrying about all the other stuff. And between naps I have managed to get some normal things done...laundry, sewing, cleaning, letter writing...etc. Playing with Maya everyday is a TOP PRIORITY, too. She likes paper dolls and I took out my old ones to share with her...she was especially pleased with the Mary Poppins set! We've been playing together with them this morning.

Now we'll have lunch then drive down to my friend Liz to donate 2 boxes of English materials to the American Women's Club media sale. Unfortunately, I won't be able to attend this year but at least I can contribute stuff! Always feels good to get rid of stuff!
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My friend sent me this video clip....I'd love to present it to Dr. Blue Lagoon and Dr. Soft Swede .....Come on....Laugh with me!

Colorectal Surgeon Song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_N0w2rORwSc

Very tired on Friday

2009-03-28T00:26:00.003+01:00

I guess I was rather exhausted from yesterday's events at the hospital....and a little episode of Maya running away to the neighbor's without telling anyone. My usual peppy morning time was not....and I rested on the sofa most of it. By the afternoon I felt better and took a walk with Mom and Pepe the dog...but we went too far and I nearly didn't make it back home upright. Need to pace myself better!

Surprises in the mail again! ....Kisses, Hugs and Reese's peanutbutter eggs from my cousin Linda! I was so surprised I cried! She lives in Hersey, Pa so that was the obvious gift to send me! YUMMY! THANK YOU LINDA!
So far every one of the Protein drinks that I have tried, I like....this will be a tough decision to choose the favorites! Maybe they'll allow me to have a bit of all of them! variety is good!

Wheat grass is starting to sprout....

Will post more tomorrow if I'm up for it.

Further investigation needed.....

2009-03-26T18:55:00.005+01:00

Just to give you the run of today's events... Can I cry and laugh at the same time? OH YES!

This is what we found out:

1- next week I will have a biopsy on my liver
- there are 3 spots spread out across all the lopes of the liver (so parts of the whole organ are contaminated...not just a small part)
- these 3 spots may not be cancerous, but they probably are....biopsy will tell and after today's probe they may not be related to the lump in my rump at all...they may be something completely different

2- next week I will have a MRI on my lower abdomen
- to determine just how deep the infected tissue goes into my flesh
- to determine without a doubt if the source of the cancer is in the rectum or the anal canal

3- next week I will talk with the nutritionist to discuss my body's needs during this fight process...
- in the meantime I was given a bag full of yummy power nutrient drinks to try, and I'm to make a list of my favorites which will be prescribed to me for the duration of the fight time, these are presciption drinks.

I met the Nurse in charge of my care...Petra, she seems very nice and kind, a gentle but assertive type. Someone who would rather laugh with me than cry with me. I can call her with any questions I have and she will find the answers for me. She will be calling me to check how things are going for me. Her English skills are excellent but we agreed that as much as I can hang with Swedish we'd use it until I was too tired. (Thank goodness the Swedish school system teaches children another language starting in Grade 3!!! And aren't I lucky that that language is English and not German!)

My doctor, who I will call Dr. Blue Lagoon (he is from Iceland), is very professional. As we had our discussion today his dark blue eyes hardly glanced away from my face...face to face we talked without one bit of emotion on his face. My God, what a job to have! Telling me all the things he must, answering my hard questions with complete professional NEUTRALITY. At first I was upset...why couldn't he be a little bit jovial?...a little bit sad?...but either one of those would have given me the wrong impression. The fact is that they still don't know the BEAST inside that is my enemy. Until they know that answer, no prognosis can be made. Basically what he said was this, we can't start the fight until we know what weapons we need to use against this beast. If we use the right weapons from the beginning we won't be wasting any time during the battle adjusting strategy. The wait will be difficult but I've got to use this time to my advantage! (as Bo pointed out to me later..at least they don't think I'll kick the bucket during the next 3 weeks!) He said that the most important thing now is to PREPARE for the FIGHT! Get my body ready...which means a little excersise everyday so I don't lose too many muscle tissues and most importantly, STABLIZE my weight! (I've dropped another 3 kilos since my last post about it.) When Dr. Blue Lagoon said this I burst out laughing...never in my life has a doctor told me to hold on to the weight I have! Now is NOT the time to shed the kilos! I need to eat balanced meals in small portions 5-6 times a day instead of trying to eat 3 regular meals. And I can drink the nutrition drinks as snacks. (Petra suggested in a wine glass poured over ice cubes! I like her!)

Then there was Dr. Soft Swede, who is the chef of Doctors for this unit, also on my case. He is overseeing all the decisions for my situation. His English is also superb and I was so glad when he used it after the retroscopy to explain their findings. They didn't give me any morphine this time...only a BUM NUMB. Thank goodness I had brought an iPod to listen to during the procedure to distract me 'cuz boy did that HURT. The Doctors said I could call it "off" at any time if it got too painful but I stuck it out because before we started Bo came to my side and whispered to me "NOW you begin the FIGHT, Carol!" (he was absolutely right because if I hadn't let them go through with it they wouldn't have ordered the MRI) I won't share with you what they did with my bootilusciousness...but I can tell you that Dr. Soft Swede was as gentle as gentle he could be for such an invasion into my rump to find the bad bump. (Thus his nickname) He was grateful that I was able to withstand the pain to give him a first hand view of the area because now he could put his view together with the notes in my files to make a more complete picture of the situation. Up until today he had only read the reports from the 3 other doctors who have looked up my butt!

With a picture chart he explained that the tumor seems to be more in my anal canal which coincides with the "neatness" of it...unlike rectal tumors that spread themselves around the rectal area and into the intestines, mine seems to be rather isolated. Hence, there is a possiblity that what's happening in my liver is either another type of cancer or something else! (a lost alien perhaps?) This kind of anal canal cancer is rather rare (in Sweden) with only 400 reported cases per year...whereas there are 5,500 cases of rectal/intestinal cancer. Also, and I found this interesting, the anal canal is part of the organ that is our skin. (So I asked if it could be like a melanoma...thinking of all the beached whale imitations I used to do on the sands of Florida growing up with my bum facing the sun!) But he said that wouldn't be likely. (My father howled with laughter later wondering if they would do a skin graft to replace the skin there...see what I have to put up with!? ha ha Dad!) Anyway...the MRI will give them more answers to be sure about this beast within.

They also took 3 blood tests...a little concerned about the fevers I've been having in the evenings, my vitamin levels and a tumor test (but I 've forgotten the name at the moment and I'm too tired to find my notes...).

My preparation to go to the hospital was rather planned because I wanted to be ready in case they decided to keep me there over night....for some reason in my head I thought of the American (?) wedding tradition to bring good luck on the special day for the marriage. The bride is supposed to wear......
"Something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue"
Although I didn't wear everything, I had these things with me.
Something old=my sea turtle earrings (sea turtle= long life and endurance)
Something borrowed=Kelly Sue's iPod with "Moving On" and "Hope and Glory" songs
Something blue = my GO GATORS fuzzy socks! (Gators are the CHAMPIONS and I will be too!)
but Something new?....agh what to bring? .... I settled on an unopened tube of tooth paste! can't get much cleaner and newer than that when packing an over night bag! LOL
I figured we got this horrible diagnosis on Friday the 13th...I gotta use all the other rituals, traditions, supersitions, and wise tales to combat it!

So now we're waiting alittle more...
but PREPARING FOR BATTLE!

Tomorrow I'll share what I got in my surprise packages! :-)

Tom, We watched Ellen's Here and Now HBO special tonight...MUCH better than Borat last night. (My students kept telling me how funny Borat was so we watched it and I"m horrified parents would allow their children to see that total crap! That DVD went straight into the trash! bleeck!) Love Ellen!

FEELING GOOD!

2009-03-26T10:33:00.003+01:00

I'm ready for whatever happens today! BRING IT ON!

The sun is shining...the birds are singing...there's not a drop of poopy in my body ...and I'm ready to be poked, proded, and prognosised! (is that a word?)

Bo just came in with an armload of packages! SURPRISES! OH, THANK YOU!

Today is HOPEFUL and ENERGETIC!

PS- need to tell story of playing dinosaur family last night with Maya.

Waiting for tomorrow

2009-03-25T19:02:00.004+01:00

Just hanging out waiting for tomorrow's anal & rectal review! Sounds like a bad comedy show! We hope to get answers about what's happening there inside my stomach, too, with those inflamed lymphnodes.

To tell you the truth, the pains in my ass aren't the center of attention anymore, maybe because I don't sit in the car so often now. (when it hurts the most!) My entire abdomen is where it is most painful now. It varies during the day and night where the pains are most severe. I can explain it to you like this, most of the time it feels similar to those cramps or "stitches" you get on your side when you've been running or jogging. Only I haven't been running or jogging and the feeling never really goes away even with a full dosage of pain killers that I've been prescribed now. (I'm trying not to over use these). And it's not just in my sides--it's a bit here, a bit there and oh, sometimes over ttthhhhheeerrrreee. (I"ve had these pains off and on over the past months but I thought they were from indigestion...I especially had them at night when I was quiet and calm, probably feeling my body more without the distractions!) I can manipulate the pain by the way I sit for small periods of time...like holding my body in a certain position with the help of pillows. Lovely Liver must be swollen because for several weeks I haven't been able to take a deep breath without the ribs digging into her, this makes deep laughing painful, yawns painful and coughs painful. (I think many of you may have felt something similar when you were at the end of your pregnancy.) These swollen organs also make it difficult to bend over. I feel like one of those fat bellied Buddahs! ...I'm squatting much more to reach lower heights. Oh great...now my thigh muscles will get stronger and bigger! LOL

Getting up out of bed and standing up from a sitting position is often VERY painful because it is as though my liver and all her organ friends stay in the bed (or chair) and I'm pulling away from them on tight rubber bands that are about to snap off! It is HORRIBLE! I want to grab my abdomen and hold everybody in but to touch my stomach hurts even more and I usually end up giving in and going back to the orginal position for a moment and re-adjusting before trying again at a slightly different angle. Rolling out of bed is IMPOSSIBLE! OUCH! Getting off a chair in my "minimal pain" style probably makes me look like a sumo wrestler ready for an opponent! Who said cancer would be elegant!?

Mornings I'm feeling pretty good after the painful break from the bed...today I concentrated on eating a snack between meals to help with the low blood sugar MONSTER who had been appearing each afternoon. And the kitchen crew had dinner on the table by 6pm (18:00) which was much better for ALL of us!

We watched Best of Show last night...lots of ridiculous laughs! (Thanks Tom!)
Soaking the wheat grass seeds to plant tomorrow.
Using the juicer with all kinds of veggies everyday now.

Tomorrow Mormor and Granpa will be in charge of Maya's swimming school stuff and they will go swimming with her at the indoor pool afterward her class! FUN...

I'm taking things with me to the hospital just in case I have to stay over night...don't want to be stuck again wearing those button-popping pj's and hospital underwears! Better to be prepared....

More later...will let you all know the results as soon as we know!

In a holding pattern....

2009-03-24T21:31:00.005+01:00

Embarrassing as it is...here is the FIRST photo I took with my new camera! Luckily, the camera did not break!

(do NOT click on the image to see a larger version until Halloween!)
My brother, Tom, sent me this HEALTHY JUICER to make my own WheatGrass Drinks...and other nutritional drinks for my struggling body. Dad (what a clown!) put it together yesterday and we had fun experimenting with it...making a lot of mess in the process ...we had the collection tray on the wrong part at first and all the precious juice went all over the floor! (Pepe the dog didn't like it, he said he eats enough grass from the garden.)

Dad made a special trip to town to get a different variety of veggies to use in the juicer! He had a good mixture with a bit of grapes for sweetness. It was quite yummy and boy, it make things MOVE inside me...not in an uncomfortable way but a really good way! Maya and Dad will plant the wheat grass seeds tomorrow and then I'll be able to start drinking that valuable oxygen! (Cancer doesn't like oxygen.) Along with the milk thistle extract, I actually feel a little better these last two days. (maybe it's in my mind....but....if my mind is happy, my body feels happy!)
While my Dad and I played with the juicer...Mom and Maya were having their own fun unraveling some gorgeous 'fabric yarn' she is going to knit with in her spare time.
Maya danced around unspinning this material...should have used the video function on the camera but I was a little lazy. I have some playing around to do with the camera and reading some of the instructions so that my photos will be a bit better!
We are in a holding pattern here as far as the treatment goes....the waiting is hard but the days seem to go by rather fast despite the fact I'm not doing hardly anything all day long. A rather sudden change in my life style...I used to complain I never had time for anything...now I have the time but not the energy. There's a lesson in that....

The important question they are researching before starting treatment is...where is the source of the cancer. Where did it start growing from....my anal canal or my rectum? In any case....it's all a PAIN IN THE ASS to me!

The receptionist for the cancer department at the Helsingborg Hospital called me back today (I called her yesterday with some requests and questions).

1- the phosphoral ( a top down cleansing for test preparation that Nurse Kelly Sue had recommended) is NOT recommended for me in my condition. It's too strong according to the doctor. So I must use the bottom-up cleansing for my appointment on Thursday. (SCREAM) She gave me the name of suave we can buy at the pharmacy to numb my bum before Bo administers the torture to me. She also said that I only have to do it once before going to them instead of twice. Praise the BUTT GODS!

2- she could not find out about the appointment I was supposed to have with the nutritionist...but said that I will probably get that information on Thursday. (I will stalk them until I get the information!) Although I feel my brother, my husband, and my personal nurse: Kelly Sue have me on the right track with the wheat grass and the milk thistle...and the iron tablets from the doc...but I know there is more to it than that. I will say that my weight is stablizing now at 5 kilos less than I was 2 weeks ago. It was pretty scary there when I was losing 1 kilo a day. (for you metrically challenged that means 2.2 pounds = 1 kilo)

If you look at my photo, you'll probably think..."Hey Lady, you could lose a lot more kilos"...but THIS is not the way to do it...not before I need my strength for the FIGHT!

Well...that's all for now folks! The adults in our house are going to watch a funny movie that my dear brother gave to us! Tell you which one later....(Best of Show)

Thanks for all your messages, thoughts and prayers! Love you ALL!

New update coming after dinner

2009-03-24T19:28:00.002+01:00

Nothing much is happening....but I will give what little update I can after dinner....so when will dinner be ready...doesn't the kitchen crew know there is a woman with a hungry body waiting!?
My lovely liver is waiting to do her job again....

This time of day...between 17:00 and 20:00 is not a good time for me.....I get a little irritable! GROWL......MONSTER LADY....

Sunday Diversions

2009-03-22T21:47:00.006+01:00

Rather tired tonight...a good tired.
Just a run down of the today's highlights:

- woke up in good spirits (thanks to those little worry dolls, I'm sure, Maya and I gave them our BIGGEST worry last night---the doozy one, and we both sleep well!) Our feet were hugging each other in the morning...can your feet hug, too?
- I figured out the best way to get out of bed that doesn't make my organs feel like they are being torn out of my body one by one....a sensation that I want to avoid as much as possible! I scoot my body (while on my back) sideways perpendicural to the bedside with my legs hanging a bit over the side, then slowly raise up on my elbows and lift my torso up straight, to a sitting position, rest a moment, then use my legs to stand upright slowly...avoiding clenching my stomach muscles too hard, rest and breathe and give thanks I can stand! Look out window and bless the day! Tell my body I love it and give myself a hug. Phew...wipe the sweat off my brow! (no kidding!) Goodness know what I will do if I have to go to the toilet in a hurry! Maybe it's time to get rubber sheet protectors! (I'm not ready for diapers, yet.)

- ate a delicious breakfast of Grits and Florida OJ with Maya before everyone else got up
(How Southern girl is that!?)...Grits probably aren't the first thing on the nutritionist's list but boy do they make a body feel warm and cosy inside!

- Kelly Sue brought my parents to our house in the mid morning! THANK YOU KELLY SUE for picking them up at the airport! love you! And Nurse KS brought me the name of something I will request for doing a top-down cleansing for Thursday's appointment, instead of doing a bottom-up cleansing ...which gives me a panic attack just to think about it!

- nothing like HUGS from Mom and Dad! :-) (-:

- hearing the sweet, calm voice of Debbie was another of the day's highlights...she lives at the southern tip of Skåne...it's about a 2 hour drive to "stop by for a coffee". Recently we've been chatting it up on Sundays over the phone every once in awhile with a cup of java (or tea). Since I've been diagnosised she's called more often filled with funny stories of her kids or herself sometimes, suggestions to ease my pains, and just feel good ideas! Thank you Debbie! I look forward to your calls!

- Mom carried my GHS '81 yearbook and Senior year photo album in her hand luggage for me! I can't wait to spent some hours reading all the comments and reliving all those memories! This I will savior for a quiet moment. Then when I'm up to it...I'll start some new scanning of photos to use for the GHS blog! (anyone want to offer me a bribe now? just kidding!)- The Göteborg Bomans arrived around 2pm (14:00) to fill our house with children's laughter, screams and energy! Bo's cousin, George and Spanish wife, Victoria and their 3 kids always bring with them good cheer! I get to speak Spanish (which I desperately need to practice more) with Victoria and 17 year old daughter, Desirée! (a kind of therapy in itself for me!)
Victoria is another crafty soul...she made Maya a gorgeous purple silk party dress and she painted a water color for me of the beach view by our summer house! I love her work and now I have my own! Gifts made with TOTAL LOVE! Gracias, Victoria!

Maya and her little cousins Ricardo (5) and Alexander (almost 2) had a grand time as usual! Babies are such clowny creatures and Alexander had us laughing tears at just the right moments! Maya performed a ballet for us! (She's improved her style since the last performance!)

- Barbro, my mother in law, made yet again, despite her own back pains, another delicious dinner for all of us! Her steadfast support and desire to keep me sane & calm over the last fews days they stayed with us is so appreciated! She pulled me gently out of my dark hole last night before going to bed, allowing me to cry out all my fears into her soft embrace. I couldn't request a better mother-in-law! They went home today...vacating the room where my parents are now staying.

- My wonderful, rotten little brother sent Milk Thistle extract to me...and Wheat Grass...will get started on the MT now and the wheat grass tomorrow. Dad will plant the seeds with Maya and then we can start making our own juice in the juicer! All for my LOVELY LIVER! (I haven't seen the juicer yet...gotta leave some excitement for tomorrow!) Thanks, TH! I love you!

- And....I got a new camera! (I'm so spoiled!) My trusty one had pooped out on me a few weeks ago. (pun intended to avoid another phrase!) So lately I've been using an old one that I really don't like much but was making due. Bo and my Dad surprised me with a rather flashy yet simple one...and tomorrow I will read all about it using it! You'll see some nice photos later!

- And that's all for today folks. I'm ready to start this week....with great expectations to GET STARTED ON THE THERAPY! And let the FIGHT BEGIN!!

Interview with Maya and her card for me

2009-03-21T07:45:00.005+01:00

Today Maya made me her own card....she was inspired by Mariam's and Fatimah's cards from my classes that I got on Friday. (Kicki: please tell Mariam!) Pappa helped with the writing.It' s a hanging bird! Check out her creativity! It's a sculpture!

She wants more than anything just to see my SMILE
she said...that's why she made it.
Oh, the joy she gives me!
Gotta concentrate on LAUGHTER again!
************
I had a good morning but have been in paranoia thoughts all afternoon....took a 2 hour nap but that didn't help. Maya played at a friend's house until 2 of their kids started to throw up! Hope it's not "stomach flu"...don't need that at our house for any of us!
***********
But this little bird....really makes me puff up with happiness!
I'll have to carry it around the house with me!

Tonight we put the worry dolls into the little box again.
I hope her worry doesn't trouble her tonight so she sleeps well.
We will share the bed again tonight, my husband has night shift and we can hold hands.
Last night I had the cat all over me with his loud PURRRRRING...so comforting!

Maya age 6...almost 7.

I interviewed Maya about me....here are her answers.

1. What is something mom always says to you?
Tuti and monkey
2. What makes mom happy?
when I talk to you on the telephone
3. What makes mom sad?
if I don’t listen
4. How does your mom make you laugh?
saying something funny
5. What was your mom like as a child?
You were a Barbie girl
6. How old is your mom?
I don’t know....2,000? Just kidding
7. How tall is your mom?
quite tall, well like medium
8. What is her favorite thing to do?
be on your computer
9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
rest
10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
because you work at school
(she didn’t know exactly what the word famous means)
11. What is your mom really good at?
working in the garden doing the laundry, oh and sewing, too
12. What is your mom not very good at?
staying outside when it's winter
13. What does your mom do for her job?
have art class and English teaching lessons
14. What is your mom's favorite food?
cereal
15. What makes you proud of your mom?
That you’re MY MOM
16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Cinderella--you both wear blue things
17. What do you and your mom do together?
do art, play, play outside when it’s nice
18. How are you and your mom the same?
we like crafty things and we live together
19. How are you and your mom different?
you like to work on your computer and I don’t
20. How do you know your mom loves you?
because you are my mom and you call me nice things
21. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
Florida

Try this with your kids and see what answers they give you! You might be surprised!

***************
Kelly Sue wrote this interview about me!
(Thanks! You know I'm not good at computer problems! That's why I love your hubby!)

1. What is something Carol always says to you?
When shall we have another crafty day
2. What makes Carol happy?
When she is with her family or on a walk
3. What makes Carol sad?
Injustice and bigotry
4. How does Carol make you laugh?
Telling goofy stories
5. What was Carol like as a child?
athletic
6. How old is Carol?
Old enough to know better and young enough not to care
7. How tall is Carol?
Bout as tall as me
8. What is Carol’s favorite thing to do?
Play with Maya, sew, garden
9. What does Carol do when you're not around?
Lots of stuff
10. If Carol becomes famous, what will it be for?
Being compassionate
11. What is Carol really good at?
Bringing joy and laughter to those around her. Being a true friend
12. What is Carol not very good at?
What? She’s not good at something?
13. What does Carol do for her job?
She is a teacher
14. What is Carols favorite food?
Mexican
15. What makes you proud of Carol?
Her ability to laugh in the face of adversity
16. If Carol were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Miss Spider
17. What do you and Carol do together?
Laugh, cry, sew, play with the girls
18. How are you and Carol the same?
We like crafty things, we love our families,
19. How are you and Carol different?
She is WAY more outdoorsy and adventurous than I am. She is a much more understanding and compassionate person
20. How do you know Carol loves you?
She is there when you need her
21. Where is Carol’s favorite place to go?
Anywhere with her family.

It's been a week...

2009-03-20T22:09:00.005+01:00

since being the diagnosised. ONLY a week?! My life has changed so very much already.

Look at some of the beautiful things I received from my students and colleagues & principal!
THANK YOU!
Seeing my cheerful, perky friends/colleagues today was a bit overwhelming at first. They looked so lovely and healthy! Bursting into my home carrying bouquets of flowers, bags of presents, piles of greetings from students and staff! Tears came too easily to my eyes and they both jumped to my side at once with their loving comforting embraces. I felt so sorry for them to see me like that...but that's my day...all day long...a roller coaster of emotions. And I'm used to it now. So much as changed in a week!

Everything you all gave me was perfect Slottshöjdens!
I will use my gifts and know that you all are keeping me in your positive thoughts.
**********
After May and Maria had gone back to school, Maya came into me as I was absorbing sunlight on the couch lost in thought about all the wonderful things I received. She was so curious about all the cards and presents. We looked through them together, she's especially smittened with the book of sewing ideas! She wanted me to read the cards to her so I did. So many of the students wrote "so sorry"...she picked up on that and asked if they were apologizing for laughing at me when I couldn't climb the rope at gymnastics class. What? but then I remembered my father-in-law and I were telling each other last night at dinner about what we hated most about going to elementary school gymnastics! Neither one of us could climb a hanging rope. "No baby", I answered, " They are sorry because I'm so sick and I can't be their teacher just now."
Then THE QUESTION I've been dreading...
"Can your sickness make you die?"
Oh Please God, I thought ....don't let me cry while I answer her.
Deep breath, "Yes it can, but it won't because I have lots of things I still want to do in my life...I want to sew things with all my fabric (start with an easy thing), I want to plant lots of things in my garden, I want to watch you grow into a beautiful woman and I want to be old with Pappa and move our bed into the TV room so we don't have go up and down the stairs." (She thought that was funny.) I asked her if she wanted to know the name of my illness.
She nodded yes.
"It's called cancer," I replied. Maya made her hands into fists and PUNCHED the air...
"And YOU ARE GOING TO BEAT IT, aren't you Mommy?"
"YES my Sweetie, I AM! I AM!"
And then my tears flowed freely down my cheeks...

But not for long, because we had to eat lunch, clean the fish tank, and stick these little stickers into the Coop booklet so Pappa can get the knife he wants. (It's like a S & H green stamp thing for a short promotional period.)

Maya is not well, fever, cough, running nose...she's got a cold again. So it was a PJ day as you can see in the photo. This is not good...I'm pumping vitamin C and Airborne into her and me. I MUST be strong to start chemo! The mail arrived...a letter from the hospital. An appointment next Thursday for ANOTHER retroscopy (don't know if that is the English spelling, it's not the Swedish! but it's the rectal exam). The huge plungers they sent to stick up my butt to cleanse out before the exam were enough to send me into another anxiety attack! If I could I'd like to be totally drunk when Bo helps me put them in (remember that phrase when you get married?..."for better or for worse, in sickness and in health"...well Bo, lucky guy, is getting a LOT of the WORST part!) but I can't drink alcohol now. I'd rather not eat for a whole day before so I"m empty than have those things go up inside the most sensitive part of my body at the moment. SHIT...and I mean it, SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT! I HATE IT! On the bright side....it's spring for real now...chilly still but the daffodils are poking up out of the ground. Crocus and snow drops are blooming! We picked out a ceiling lamp for the bathroom that will be finished any day now. And my in-laws are here and helping as best they can with their own tired out sick bodies! Maya is in good hands when I'm down or occupied. That's the most important! Bo has "his" people to talk to when he needs them. And now, it's time for bed. I have a cuddly visitor with me tonight...I'll have to make sure her germy breath is facing away from me. Bo is working night shift. I'm covered. I'm loved.
And I again Thank all of you

Taboo things

2009-03-20T07:56:00.003+01:00

Ever since I've been diagnosed with cancer my language has usage has changed a bit. Sort of reminds me how I have always kept my swearing in check because I'm a teacher. (Always trying to be the good model of acceptable language!) So when I do swear, those who know me well, know that I'm really MAD, FRUSTRATED or PISSED OFF! Using or not using Swear words hasn't changed for me....but those phrases that involve death, dying, killing and cancer have suddened ceased coming out of my mouth. You know what I'm talking about....phrases like "The wait is killing me!" or "I'm dying to see that new show." or "I just about died laughing." I used to call the little sweetner tablets "cancer pills" for my coffee. Yes, those phrases were about to come out but they stopped in my mouth and were immediately swapped for a similar phrase without the fatal reference. As for those little sweetners...I'm hardly drinking coffee now and when I do I'm using unrefined brown sugar. (I have one little cup a day...for my pleasure, not my health.) Another taboo....on facebook & on email I filled out two different "bucket lists" several weeks ago before my diagnosis. If you are not familiar with these lists, they are a list of activities, travel destinations and life experiences that a person "should" do before they "kick the bucket" (a phrase meaning "to die"). Well on BOTH of the lists I had experienced, travelled to, or had done nearly everything on the list! At the time I felt a little odd...now, if I think about it too much, I'm a little freaked out. WHY did I fill out those lists? A few friends had agreed with me that both lists were rather lame, incomplete. There are SO MANY things to do in life...they can't possibly be put on a list to be emailing around cyber space! I'm never going to fill one of those out again!

This morning two of my English teaching colleagues are coming by...May and Maria. Each has taken over one of my classes. We need to talk about a few things and I have a bag of stuff to give to them to use with MY kids! (oh how I miss my regular life!) Looking forward to the short visit...so maybe I should get dressed now!

Thank you for all the emails and comments!
I appreciate each one of them! :-)

I have the most wonderful friend....

2009-03-19T13:51:00.003+01:00

I met Kelly Sue in my first year living in Sweden in the "Swedish for Immigrants" Class...we were like soul sisters from the beginning! (She appears in my blog a dozen of times, at least!) Right now I won't go into a rambling about her and her wonderful husband, Peder, and 2 adorable daughters...but I am so very, very grateful she's in my life!

KS is an operating room nurse... Angel on Earth! You would not believe how many questions she has answered for my family about health issues over the years. Whenever something is not quite right my husband says "Let's call Kelly Sue" I often think she could open a website of her own to direct people to the solution to their medical problems. Unfortunately, I was not honest with her about all that I've been feeling inside of me over the last 5 weeks or so...she would have made me go in to the health center much sooner. I was embarrassed and thought I was just having too much constipation. (never be embarrassed to find out why your body is not working correctly!)

Kelly Sue's latest question answered:
What's so important about whether the cancer source is in the rectum or anus?
If it's in the anus...we start with radiation. If it's rectum....we start with chemo.

I better go read about it some more...Janet, from my Bookworms group, sent me two helpful books about cancer. One is humorous, the other serious. (Thanks Janet!)

Now I'm trying to be patient...those sleeping pills I got worked well but when I woke up my organs didn't like that I stayed in one position all night. They SCREAMED when I tried to roll out of bed! I'll only use the sleeping pills when I really need to...didn't like this morning wake up! I've got to remember what Marcus Lisle told me to mediate on first thing in the morning....those golden webs around my cells, changing and mending! such a lovely thought! Thanks Marcus!

No ordinary day....

2009-03-18T14:32:00.008+01:00

I got the phone call we were waiting for today....here's a summary. • more investigation is needed to determine if the source of the cancer is the rectum or the anal canal....now if you were to look at a diagram of this delicate area..you tell me what the heck the difference REALLY is...I say let's blast my HOLE AWAY! (ok, maybe not with a cannon shot....but you know what I mean!) • she was concerned about my pooping...see, it's very important! I am to continue with 3-4 bags of Movicol a day with PLENTY of water and an oral laxative. Just so you all know, I shouldn't have really solid poops anymore...because they are incredibly painful so the meds keep them very, very soft. (By the way, if your poops ever look like long floppy thick pencils...this is NOT GOOD--go to the doctor, don't be embarrassed. One of my Posty Pals asked me to list my "warning signs" or symptoms...I'll do that another day in detail for those of you who are interested. But that was one of them that I happened to notice...'cuz really, how often do you look at your poop..before you wipe!) • she was very concerned about my nutrition and eating (which yesterday, being a horrible day, I didn't do hardly at all and I lost over a kilo --not good), I am to eat with the intent to be healthy and strong to begin chemo, I will be meeting with a nutritionist early next week so I will get some power nutritent liquids to drink....meanwhile I am to take iron tablets (ones that won't consitpate me) to strengthen my blood (and it didn't help that I started my period yesterday which was probably part of the reason I felt so wiped out and painful...sorry guys but you're learning about my poops, why not all the details that are important!) • she also asked about my sleeping and anxiety...so I got meds for both of those troubles...only I want to take it easy on the anti-anxiety ones because only want to use them when it's really bad so I don't rely on them to soothe my fears...I really want my MIND and HEART to be in charge! not the pills! but I'll have them just in case.... • the cancer team will be meeting on Friday to investigate my case more thoroughly and try to determine the actual source • bravely, because Kelly Sue told me I must, I asked her if there was any more cancer elsewhere...after looking at the CT scan again she said there were some inflamed lymphnodes in my stomach but they didn't know yet if those had matastasized. (should have asked if they were going to investigate...but that's probably why I go in next week for more tests) • I asked her when the actual chemotherapy would start because I AM READY NOW! and she said probably in 1 to 2 weeks. She said that this had taken some time to grow so 1-2 weeks wouldn't make a difference! I gotta trust what they say...but when I'm there next week I will be armed with more questions! So there you have it...I'll be sleeping better, eating better (hopefully) and less anxious....but STILL WAITING! WAITING! at least I'm home in comfy clothes, near the bathroom and laying on the couch and NOT groaning in pain because I promised her I would take the full dosage of painkillers! (I was avoiding them for fear of upsetting my stomach.)

**********************

The second post of the day....this is not my usual style but I'm so stunned by the GENEROSITY of the people around me...all around me...like all over the globe around me! ...so I had to do another post. John Clark...what a sweetie! You know what you did but I won't reveal it here. (it will be a surprise for the other GHSers later!) The florist called from our little town...to ask if it would be a good time to make a delivery of flowers. My immediate thought was "how nice of my parents but why did they waste their money when they are coming so soon". THIS ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS BOUQUET is from some of the "repeat" families of my Grade 4 & 5 classes..."repeat" families are the ones who I've already had one of the siblings years before. The AWESOME FOUR FAMILIES who sent me this had children in a class I had 2 years ago and now I have the younger kids this year. (In my school I teach both Grade 4 & Grade 5 English, so I have the kids for 2 years in a row and when I've had their siblings I feel like I really know the parents. Those are usually the kids I have the least trouble with, too, because of that connection. I think.) Anyway, I was totally stunned! And I cried and cried...partly because I really don't think I deserve such recognition and mostly because those are the same families who were very upset with me when I took a sabbatical term off to study Swedish properly (which was MUCH needed!) just when their second child was going to enter Grade 4. When I returned to work after that fall term away, each of those families asked me if I was going to teach their children to the end of their 5th grade year. I PROMISED them I would....and now I'm not. Lesson: don't make promises you can't keep...life is full of detours! I wish more than anything that I COULD be there with that wonderful class that is so excellent in English ...my best yet! (ok, I'd be lieing to you if I said that because EVERY class I've had is the BEST YET!...I've loved every single one of my classes for better or for worse!) So I'll enjoy this bouquet with all my heart remembering ALL my kids everyday and wishing them well in their English studies! I really believe they are in good hands! My next surprise was this little tiny package....from my former colleague who I've been making the quilts for! (the twins!) She and her mother sent me this small little bear carrying a teeny-weeny bouquet. Her name is Carol and she was born on St. Patrik's day (March 17). I'll take her with me to chemo! THANK YOU Jennifer and Cathy! I love you, too! And soon I'm coming with a gift for those marvelous babies! (pretend you didn't read the above...and act surprised!) Inside a letter from Denmark, I received a LIVESTRONG arm band...from the Lance Armstrong Cancer Foundation! (another winner for my list!) My Danish/Egyptian/Swiss cousins sent it to me....with WHOLE HEARTED DESIRE that I, too, can LIVE STRONG LONG! Thank you, Benjamin, Elsina and Philippe & the rest of the team!

And now my ramblings.... This is a photo I've been meaning to post for a long time...it's from Mid-sommar 2008. I LOVE THESE LADIES! On the left is Julie, from Gainesville-my home town, she's a cancer beater! She's taught me so many things over the, I don't know, 38 years? I've known her. She patiently taught me to play Mahjong (Chinese style and American-chinese style)...a game I love to play. (NOT on the computer but with beautifully carved bone tiles that you hold in your hand!) Julie, at the moment, has become a ROADRUNNER to help my parents prepare for their trip to help us! Thank you, Julie! Ana Maria (to the right of my mom) has constantly encouraged me to BE CREATIVE if that's what my spirit needs! Since I've moved to Sweden, she has influenced my life in many ways, she has given me so much support and guidance when I was going through the culture shock of living in Northern Europe! Thank you, Ana Maria! I want to hear about your adventures in West Dean England! During this new health adventure, I will use my creativity to soothe my spirit and strengthen my desire to over power this beast inside me...because I'm not finished using up my stash yet! I've got DECADES worth of fabric to use up! ************************** Speaking of creativity.....this will be a WISP (work in slow progress) that I'll take with me to chemotherapy, if I can sew during the process! It's a picnic table cover....I started it on one of my trips to Sweden to visit Bo back in the days we were living on the opposite side of the world from each other. Probably in 1998. While Bo was at work in the nights, I entertained myself with sewing on his mother's old machine. Most of the projects I finished...but not this one. I saw a cute idea on SEW-AMY's blog with ants....so I think I'll embrodier some ants around the water melon...it'll liven it up and add a little humor to the pieces. It's good I didn't finish it before! It will be better now!

Rhonda made an emblem for our POSTY PAL fabric postcard swap group! GREAT!

Vicki and Holly sent me these fabric post cards this month! Thank you Posty Pals!
I'm not sure if I'll get around to making a FPC this month but I'll try....no promises.

Just because I mentioned it before...but didn't show the photos....Maya and I found a record 18 golf balls a week or so ago in our side yard! We have quite the collection...so if anyone near by needs some..let me know! Many are NEW! The EASTER Swap deadline is soon approaching....so these WISPs shouldn't be too hard to finish so I can send my person her Easter gifty. Oh gosh, where did I put the address? ...no worries....I know!

Back to my normal life...

2009-03-18T08:10:00.004+01:00

I slept well last night and didn't wake up early with an anxiety attack this morning! Maybe it was the pain killer I took before going to bed and again in the wee hours of the morning...or maybe it was the little Guatemalan worry dolls that were inside my pillow case for the first time! Thank you Kelly Sue for giving them to me! Maya told me some of the worries to put inside and I did the rest. This will be a new ritual for us. With all the questions the doctors had about my routines, pains and body functions (especially poop), I decided that I must keep a daily journal about:
• what goes in and out of my body
• how much I weigh
• how body and mind feel
• and for my happy feeling- who I talked to that day over the phone

I have received and bought many different journals over the years, and use them for documenting trip adventures & other things in my life...so I looked through what I had and decided on this one from my best California buddy, Betsy. (Thank you, Bets) The sea turtle is an elegant creature who is traveling far in her life time, coming home to her favorite beach, and LIVING a LONG LIFE! Having many things in common with this tough shell swimmer, I thought this would be the most appropriate journal to use for this new adventure in my life!

Now....back to my regular life of crafts and bathroom renovating (which is STILL going on!)....

Karen in Australia sent me this packet with a kitty fat quarter and some real Aussie cloth with the Kukurrabird (I have to check the spelling!) and a nice note! Thanks Karen!
I sent Karen kitty fabric, too! (see below)
These are the fabric post cards I made to send out for February to my Fabric Post Card Swap group....which now has an official name of POSTY PALS! I really enjoyed making this style...some of that ric rac and lace is ancient! (or at least from the 60-70's)
Yesterday, while laying on my back on the couch, I finished another armchair caddy....it will go to a special Stitcher's Angel in the USA. This is the 4th I've made of this pattern and I'm getting pretty good at it! Next one will be for a friend's 50th birthday and I'll use Maya's drawings for the embrodiery. Hopefully, I'll be able to do some needlework while I'm in the chemo chair! And I'll probably get pretty good at stitching while on my back! Who knows?
This is from Sunday...it's too cold for a real beach picnic but Maya and I had one anyway in our "Florida room" (a glassed in porch). When we play Barbies together she is only one character...Tuti (with the green and white dress on- it is one of my old ones) but I am ALL the rest! Keeps me busy remembering which voices I do for each one and remembering all the names! What simple entertainment it is...we have a lot of good fantasy together! I can imagine that this might be a good way to work out some of her feelings about my illness as time goes by. Maybe the Barbie mommy can also be sick! but I'm not sure I want to cut off all her hair! Hey--Mattel...make a chemotherapy Barbie!
Now back to the bathroom renovation....we did a "mock" up the other day (before I knew I was ill) and this is what it looked like. The counter top will be over all the cabinets, of course! and the whole thing will be higher up on its legs, the hanging cabinet be on the wall next to a large mirror with lights and the sink will be level with the tiles of the counter top.
Check out this WILD sink! We love it! Handpainted from Mexico...
Little Miss Crafty girl made up all her Easter gifts which we'll send out this week! (Notice her dolls watching her every move!)
I forgot to mention something in my last post....as the weight is falling off and my face is getting wrinklier...Bo said to me that I needed to keep my face active! Then we burst into laughs as he demonstrated what he meant...sort of, Mr. Bean facial excersises! I'm afraid that would stretch the skin even further apart, that actor has a rubber face!...hum....and what about my belly...it's starting to look like an empty sack of potatoes! sexy! I might be thinner for the summer but there's NO WAY I'll be wearing a bikini!

We are hoping that Pamela, the oncologist, will be calling us today!

I'm ready for HOPE AND GLORY...FIGHT for my life...this will be the battle I will WIN! (if you click on the link...ignore those ridiculous women dancing behind him...the words are great for me!)

I believe so many of the Melodifestival songs were meant for ME this year! MOVING ON by Sarah Dawn Finer is another one! For those of you not in Europe...I'm referring to the Eurovision Song Contest that happens every year. Sweden just had their final selection to send to the main event which is in May, I think. I love the person who won to represent Sweden this year, I saw her live in Dalarna summer 2008 (fantastic!)....and her song is quite unique! Malena...La Voix

I'd rather laugh!

2009-03-17T08:43:00.007+01:00

You wouldn't believe how much we laughed yesterday at my house!

Hurts to laugh...but it feels SO GOOD! It all started with a little animal abuse!
(no one was hurt or in danger)
Basil (cat), Pepe (dog) and Maya all got to try on the mask from New Orleans....

Then Maya changed the words to several of the Melodifestival
songs to accommodate my aches and needs....
"Moving On
Passing through the poop
yes, I'm moving it along....and it feels so good!"

She cracks me up!
Please, I hope she doesn't sing this at school!

*********************
I've been contemplating a few things...hang with me here...
it may be odd humor but we have been laughing about it!
Afterall, I'd rather laugh....

• over the last few weeks I've had such a difficult time with my bowels as a result I've been rather gasy. One day while being crafty with Maya, a string of small quick farts escaped my body, we looked at each other and laughed. "Excuse me" I said and Maya replied "It was a FART TRAIN." Too funny....

• for the past 20 years I've had long hair of various lengths but for the last few years I've been fantasizing about a shorter, cuter cut. With my round face and double chin, I've just been too scared to try it. I suppose that soon I will have the opportunity to try out some new styles--what fun! That ought to give me and my family a few hearty laughs! Punk woman! Bed head black! A pink mohawk...oh, cool!

• the kilos are melting off my body at a steady rate now...with no effort on my part at all. I've got lots to spare so it shouldn't be a concern for awhile. This is something I've been looking forward to and have a closet full of clothes ready to use in deceding sizes saved from slim body 30's! Although I'm worried...what if the weight comes off of the wrong parts...for those of you who know me in person...wouldn't it be just comic irony that I'll be left with my ample rear end!? (the internal cause of my cancer! grrrr.....) Do you think I could request liposuction "therapy"?

• speaking of weight loss....a year ago I lost 10 kilos with the help of the Weight Watchers program...I had managed to keep it off for a year but had stopped going to WW due to lack of time flexibility (the courses are in another village). Bo mentioned that too bad I still wasn't with them or I could be their STAR LOSER of the year and maybe get many benefits for doing advertizing! ha ha

• when I broke my shocking news to one of my friends over the phone, she cried and cried, a very sensitive, delicate person who I love dearly and have learned so much from over the years of knowing her. She said to me very sincerely, that she would like to give me her liver because she has no reason to have hers as her life isn't as important as mine. She is such a giving person that at times it can be too overwhelming! With her comment in my mind later in the day, I burst out laughing as I imagined the police finding a dead accident victim with a beautifully written note pinned to her chest: "My liver is for CAROL!"

• all this talk of Botox on the TV, magazines, and staff room...told one of my colleagues that I have no need of expensive (and frankly, creepy) Botox because I have good old natural FAT! Most people guess my age to be less than what it is because the wrinkles don't show....so now, well, not that I'd go for botox....but I'm going to look more my age! (which, by the way, is still YOUNG!)

• and one more thing about this potential hair loss....does it JUST come off your head? I was thinking about this while deciding whether or not to pluck my eyebrows...they are really out of hand (wish my esteemed colleague May would come and do them for me...hers are beautiful!)..anyway, should I bother? if they are going to fall out anyway, why waste my time!?
Then there's the whole leg hair situation...I'll admit it here on this totally open public place, I don't shave my legs ALL winter! What's the point? I only wear pants or leggings! Bo could care less about my leg hair. So, at the hospital, there I was half naked and horrible white hairy legs exposed to the world! I suppose they have seen much worse....ha! So, does the leg hair fall out too? That would be nice, especially in time for summer shorts! (My friend Maria would have had a whole waxing and pedicure treatment before going into the hospital! ;-) Then, Bo and I had observed that his Uncle (who is still battling his lung cancer) had lost the hair on his head but not his face. Oh great...so I might lose my eyebrows but not my whiskers! Come on....give me a break! Actually, I decided I don't want to lose my nose hairs, although they can grow over their limit sometimes, I like that they are useful! No Nose hair goes!

• as my hubby and I were cuddling together yesterday morning, he commented how much he loved my body with all its lumps and bumps, I got to giggling and said isn't it good that I don't have breast cancer because I don't think you can request sagging, lopsided, middle aged boobies, only perky perfect ones!

• speaking of middle age....my cancer BEATER college friend, Kim, told me that the chemotherapy hastened the menopause process in her body so now that the cancer is gone, she has to deal with hot flashes and all the rest of that stuff! Oh great! Well, I'm happy today that my period started (as if I didn't have enough abdominal pain!) ....means that everything in that department is functioning as it should for now at least! YEAH!

*******************************
Not the regular dinner table talk....
Maya, Bo and I came up with alittle ditty last night for me to say to myself...

"I'm going to throw up with dignity!
I'm going to put on my diapers with pleasure!
And I'm going to wear my wig with attitude!"

*********
I'd rather LAUGH!

Wouldn't you?!

What really happened last week......

2009-03-16T12:43:00.004+01:00

What a week it's been....my life has changed focus, the world around me has turned upside down, and I'm so relieved to finally understand why I've been so tired, sick and painful over the last few months. I'm not a complainer (well, most of the time, and usually just to my hubby)...so I haven't shared much of my aches and concerns but when driving, eating and sleeping started to become unbearable I knew that I had to go to the Doctor. NEVER did I wildly imagine that the results would be cancer! Aside from being overweight and a little out of shape, I'm generally a very healthy, happy person! This was a TOTAL SHOCK for me and my family!

On Wednesday, I went into the regular Doctor station in our little town for a hemorroid check (never have had one so I wasn't sure)......but she didn't like what she found in there. So she told me to go immediately to the hospital in Helsingborg for a more expert opinion, then I began to freak a bit. I drove myself there, in my new driving position - half reclined on my side. After further excruciating probing by the doctor, she told me that the lump in my rump was not a good bump (Dr. Sesus approved) and that I would have to stay overnight for additional tests in the morning to rule out cancer. There the word was said. And I FREAKED...before being checked into my room, thank goodness, I had the excuse to put additional money into the parking meter (like the worst of my worries! ha) because once I got outside I could let lose a wail of a cry (in my car)...yes, the ugly kind of cry that makes your face go red and blouchy, snorting muscus, hiccup breathing pattern. Not pretty. Then I spent the next two days getting tested (CT scan, blood tests and blood tests, and biospy which I got two doses of morphine for the pain--yuck, throw up city!). Being with my husband for the results was awful...this man is a sensitive puppy dog of a guy who nearly cries when he sees road kill. Sucking it in, he was the one who called the principal of my school to say that I won't be working for a couple of months! I think the first call was the hardest for us. And he couldn't say the c-word! (my Swedish friends say I'm the glue and the engine of our family....so I was proud he could be brave and make this difficult call for me..I love my job and I will REALLY miss my students!)

Anyway....to get on with my story...no beating around the bush here...the fact is I have rectal cancer that has spread to my liver. (I don't like that matastize word...see, I can't even spell it!)
Biospy results are not in yet but they already know it's cancer--what stage and all that, I don't know. GOOD NEWS: my red blood count is "normal" although on the low side so my lovely liver is still working hard! (GO LIVER, work it!) I will find out "early next week" (let's hope by Wednesday or I'll be a crazy woman with this waiting business!) The plan of action is that I will get chemo directed at my liver first since that is the most important, then they'll focus chemo and raditation on the rectum. (wish I could request some liposuction too but that's going a little too far!) We are guessing that surgery is not being considered at this point because of the possibility that I might have to live with a "disposal bag" the rest of my life. I don' t know but when I meet my oncology team I will be armed with a zillion questions. (I'm keeping a journal so I don't forget what I want to ask and say.) The main concern at the moment is to keep my poopies coming through and not lodging themselves on the other side of the bad bump! (ouchy!) I have meds for this but still it can take a couple of days! (not to mention I'm hardly eating so there's not much there anyway) So, all you well wishers....here's what I ask of you....whenever you do a "good poop" WISH one for me too! Who'd have ever thought I'd publicly ask for this type of favor! But it's VERY IMPORTANT! I kid you not. Now....the waiting begins and I just want to get started on the treatment...come on folks (doctors)....let's KICK CANCER OUT OF ME! I'm going to BEAT IT (thanks Michael Jackson!) and I WILL SURVIVE (thanks Gloria!) and I'm MOVING ON (thanks Sarah Dawn Finer!).

The support we have gotten has been INCREDIBLE! I THANK YOU!
(sorry, in this photo I could not smile my usual one because I was holding in the tears!)Living so far away from my home country is one thing (and my choice)....but we also live in the countryside...not even in town. I LOVE IT! However, it gets lonely some times, very lonely.
The response we have gotten about this horrible news has been like a HUGE INTERNATIONAL HUG for my family! We feel so loved and supported by everyone who is praying, holding us in the light and flowing their positive thoughts in our direction! We THANK YOU!

And like a patchwork....our shared friendships, love, support, prayers and offers of help HOLD US TOGETHER! The distance doesn't seem so great. I can FEEL YOUR POSITIVE ENERGY coming into my mind and body and I am STRENGTHEN! This disease will BITE THE DUST...NOT ME! (thanks Queen!)

Thank you, I love you...everyone of you

Your words have touched me very deeply and I will be literally carrying them into chemotherapy with me. I've copied them all and pasted them together to print out for my long appointments at the hospital...to read in those moments when I'm feeling the need for a hug and support...far and near, in Swedish, in Spanish, in English from old and young, new friends and old ones, virtual and real. Thank you for being my friends!

I've been hugged from all over the world!

2009-03-15T01:44:00.005+01:00

Thank you, EVERYONE!
You can't imagine the strength you have
given me in one short day!
I am so very grateful for every kind,
loving, positive thought and prayer!
Your words and actions are MUCH appreciated!
****
My pity party is over...the fight is ON!
And I'm going to WIN!
The Positive ENERGY is flowing!
*****
Facebook friends: I am having absolutely no luck using the "new facebook"...it's not allowing me to up date my "what's on your mind?" status report, or comment/reply to my friends, or even to go to others' profile pages. Very weird! if someone could give me a tip about what might be the problem, PLEASE let me know! It's so frustrating!
It's like I've been blocked from myself! AGH!

It seems unreal to me

2009-03-13T23:39:00.006+01:00

I really don't know how to start this post....I'll just dive in....
my life has taken a dramatic change in the last 48 hours. I"ve been in the hospital for 3 days/2 nights after having been suffering of extreme tiredness, adominal pains, severe constipation and what I thought was an over grown hemorroid. Turns out I have rectal cancer with some spreading into my liver. Yeah! OK....now the wait has begun about the treatment. All related paperwork, CT scans and blood tests have been given to the oncologist and I should be hearing from her anytime early next week. Wait. It's hard. But I (we) take it one day at a time. That's all I can do for now until we know more.
Good news...my red blood cell count, although low, is still within the normal range.
I feel strong and a few kilos lighter, which is, of course, a good thing, got lots to spare!

My parents will be coming from Florida next week to support us anyway they can. My dear brother has moved into their house to take care of things there while they are gone. I'm on sick leave until further notice, thankfully my colleagues are right there to take over.

From this recent experience I've learned that I should always keep a "crafty" bag ready to take with me for the long waits at the hospital and an iPod full of books on tape and cool tunes. Unfortunately, I couldn't concentrate on reading...don't know if this is related to the illness but I haven't been able to finish a book in several months. (I was even contemplating quitting my beloved Bookworms group, but I won't, I love those worms too much and miss them!) An embrodiery project will be a creative release during my next adventures in the hospital....wished I had had something with me during the hospital stay. My roomate there was a wonderful woman, 89 years old. She was a knitter! Sharing each other's stories about life, crafts, travels and family really made the time pass faster! And I got to practice my Swedish until late at night with some tears but mostly laughter with her!

I received a few great things before going away that I didn't have a chance to...

Thank you

to Karen in Australia for the fat quarter & Billibong fabric! and Valerie, Vicki and Holly for the post cards...I will post photos later when I have more energy. Also, thanks to Mary Beth for the Girl Scout cookies! (geez...I'll think twice before ordering again...the postage was incredible, eh?)

To all my blogger friends, I'm sorry, but I just haven't had the energy to "visit" all of you these last couple of weeks...and if I did visit, I didn't leave a message, it just seemed too overwhelming to go through the process of leaving a comment...that's how tired I've been!

Listen to your body...it speaks!
Honor what it tells you!

Barbie fun

2009-03-06T08:49:00.004+01:00

This past week Maya has been home sick with a sore throat, general icky cough , some fever but in a good mood. Just to do something different and special with her I decided I was ready to show her my Barbie collection and give her all my Barbie clothes. Afterall, haven't I saved them all these years to give to her eventually? At almost 7, I think she is careful enough to enjoy them without destroying them. So....out they came, much to her complete amazement! She thought they were BEAUTIFUL despite the obivious signs of aging! She loves the clothes I made as a kid since at this point she doesn't notice the uneven stitching and frayed edges.

The box of naked Barbies below are the only ones I left to keep out of the play arena. They are the stiff legged original styles of Barbie and Skipper from the early 60's. (My Ricky and Ken with stiff legs were stolen from our car in 1972 in Italy.) Francie and Julia (the nurse) are also favorites and when I took out a similar aged Barbie her leg snapped off immediately in my hand so I decided they should stay in the box too.

Below is one of the Barbies who seems strong enough to play with Maya...next to the clothes I made for her. My mother made the adorable sweaters. And Prince Erik (Ken) is hanging out in the hammock...which is actually a banana keeper I bought for 10 kr. at a Loppis last summer. Perfect for the Barbies! This group of photos below are my next set of WISPS to work on..... Does anyone else remember these patterns for Barbie clothes and assessories that you bought already printed on the cloth? My mom made a lot of them for me but she didn't quite get through all we had bought. I've been saving them all these years and was debating whether or not I should keep them uncut. But realistically...will I make a fortune selling them on ebay? hardly! I think I'd rather make them so Maya can enjoy them now while she's interested! And who knows...she might give them to her child in the future! (if you look carefully at Ken's jacket pattern you will see the heaps of pins used to keep the sleeve on the main body of the jacket...a prime reason I hated sewing clothes!)
I love these 1960's patterns below! Mom wrote in to Woman's Day magazine to get them. They are easy to make with felt! Mom let me pick out the colors and buttons, maybe I helped sew on a few things, I can't remember. Unfortunately, most of the clothes she made became food for moths in our house in Florida while in storage. (You can see the way the little jacket below is unuseable from the moth holes.) I found some pieces we had cut out a long time ago..probably late 60's or early 70's...so will finish them for Maya and make a few more things...FUN!
Does anyone else still have their Barbie projects?

A little late in posting...WISPs for February

2009-03-04T09:34:00.003+01:00

My ONE WISP per Month Challenge for February o9--
In January I started with a pile of already cut and sewn together triangles that I started in 1996. There were enough to divide up into two groups: a "boy" baby quilt and a "girl" baby quilt for a colleague who has had twins. So now.... The "boy" baby quilt is finished...and the "girl" one is ALMOST...just the binding needs to be done...so that will go on my March WISP list.
Just a quick quicky WISP to finish was this Barbie apron....started sewing it by hand around 1974, I'd guess. I finished it off with a few quick passes on the sewing machine and adding snap buttons. Maya is thrilled with it. (I think it's ugly as all get out! and if weren't for her enthusiasm about the things I made as a child I would throw it out!)
Later I'll post some other Barbie WISPs that I've pulled out from my closet....I should say here that I took a deep breath the other day and gave Maya some of my old Barbies & their clothes that I have been causiously been saving for .....over 35 years! More about that later....

I've picked out my WISPs for March ....will post about them later
- Barbie clothes
- "girl" twin quilt
- Easter baskets
- cloth flower bouquet

Thanks to Kris and May Britt for doing this Challenge to get me moving on the old stuff!

Bathroom renovation continues....

2009-02-27T16:41:00.002+01:00

After nine years of collecting ideas , saving money and searching for someone to do the job...we are over half way through the bathroom renovation project! YEAH! Bo working on the shower area....
Jörgen the tile guy put in the new flooring base...he angles the floor slightly so that all water will make it's way to the main drain under the bathtub. (It's different than in the USA I won't bother explaining all of it.)

Maya wants to help me paint the ceiling...only she's just a bit too short! The pink stuff is a water proof membrane coating that is under the tile layer.
Here's that same shower area from the first photo! The little Mexican tiles look GREAT! Not too overwhelming, we think. This is before the grout was put in....that happened today but I haven't taken photos yet as we can't go into the room. We are really pleased with the way it all looks! Over the weekend Bo and I will put in the furniture pieces so that the plumber and electrician can come back to finish their part of the work...I"m NOT making a guess when it will be finished because we never seem to complete things on a schedule! Better to just avoid the let down of a "due date". I'm just so happy it's getting worked on finally!

For Stephen

2009-02-25T23:08:00.006+01:00

My dear cousin Wendy's son (23 years old) died today of pneumonia after a successful lung transplant in December. He had cystic fibrosis. We are grieving. Times like this I hate being far from home with the limits of the time difference and distance to provide (& receive) comfort, assistance and support. My heart and thoughts are with his wonderful family. So many young kids waste their lives away for stupid reasons...he struggled so long to save his! Every moment counted, every enjoyment appreciated. I am proud of his strong desire to experience what life has to offer in the short time he had to savior it. Stephen and his loyal buddy, Ernie in 2008.

Collecting DMC floss for a good cause

2009-02-22T11:40:00.004+01:00

Hello...just a quick post...my good friend, Lori's Art and Play, in California is collecting old and new DMC floss for a project in the Nigeria (Stitches of the Sahara) . If you have the desire to help out...check out the information on her blog site. Click here. You can read more about it!

I will be looking around for flosses at the LOPPIS here in Sweden! and in my own over stocked collection! Hope others can help, too!

The poor woman's ski holiday....

2009-02-19T21:29:00.005+01:00

The three of us...self portrait on the snow with our skis. My husband is always a little skeptical about these shots I try with all of us at my arm's length (short arm)...but they usually turn our well enough. And I'm glad there's nothing in my teeth or boogies in my nose! Just our big rosy cheeks and happy smiles! OK...the dog doesn't get it...can you see how close my skis are to him? MOVE PEPE, I said MOVE...now you know why one reason I fell the other day was the dog's fault and not mine! It's fun to be on the ski adventure with him anyway...he loves it outside in the snow, I just need to keep him out of my way..especially on hills!
Maya is getting some ski coaching from Pappa...she's doing quite well although a bit on the lazy side. She was so proud of herself going down the little slopes without falling!

Now you wonder why I call this the "poor woman's ski holiday"...it's a cheap ski vacation for us...see that yellow house in the background? That's ours! (along with a garden hut and separate garage- for those of you who've never seen it in person) This year we have been so lucky with just enough snow fall, perfect temperatures and nice days with some sun. Many of my colleagues, students and friends travel to Austria, Italy, France and northern Sweden to go skiing...but not us...we just go out our front door and through the gate! It's one of the reasons I am so grateful for living in the countryside of Sweden! I might not have all the restuarants or cultural activities right around the corner but we have nature all around us and after all those years of living in Los Angeles, I can REALLY appreciate the quiet peacefulness of the country!
Each day this week I've been trying to do at least a 30 minute run by myself on the course. My skiing experience is rather limited so I'm really only learning and much of it on my own. I'm not in the best of shape, so trying to avoid injuries as well. 30 minutes is perfect. After watching me the other day, Bo reminded me that I needed to keep my arms and feet moving in balance..right arm up, left leg forward/left arm up, right leg forward...seems so simple, it's the way I walk, right? For some reason I ski like a neanderthal moving my arms and legs of the same side together! So I've been concentrating on that and I fall less...imagine that! Today I learned another important lesson...only follow in others tracks! Seeing a nice flat area to practice on I decided to take a 'short cut' over a little cut-through path...wrong! too many small rocks and not enough snow...fell right on my knee..OUCH! With little licks on my cheeks, Pepe tried to console me...thanks ski partner!

Before moving to Sweden my only other skiing experiences took place when I was 12 years old in the Poconos Mountains of Pennsylvania. My parents thought it would be a great idea for me to learn to ski with my cousins one winter after we had spent the Christmas holidays in Pennsylvania and New York with my grandparents and my mother's family (after Grampy had died). It seemed like a good idea and a lot of fun, my cousins are older than I am so I thought it would be so cool to hang out with them and their cute guy friends in a forest cabin on Lake White Heron. These particular cousins, Wendy and Scott, were practically born with skis on their feet so they thought I'd be a natural too...wrong. I was a Floridian...I had webbed feet from swimming so much! The first night of the slopes was a total diaster! Clad only in blue jeans and long johns (NOT water proof) and a hand-me-down jacket, my cousins left me on the bunny slope without any instructions about what to do!!! And off they went...I spent the next eternity, it seemed, falling down, laying on my back, calling for help, sliding into small children, crashing into fences, praying I wouldn't break a leg or my back....I think I only managed to make 3 full runs (that's from the top to the bottom of the bunny hill) during the 2 hours they left me alone. Most of my time was spent on the ground trying to get up again. Wendy came back to check on me...she said "let's see how you're progressing". So we made one run together (on the bunny hill still) ...wouldn't you know it? That time I didn't fall once! And I even managed to stop at the end of the run ON MY FEET (prior to that I was just screaming for everyone to move out of my way as I purposefully crashed at the end because I didn't know how to stop with the skis on!) SOOOO....she thought I was ready for the BIG HILL...like the HUGE MOUNTAIN where the adults go! I adored my cousin Wendy (still do!) ...so if she said I was ready for the big hills, then I was ready, I never questioned my abilities if she had faith in them! As we went up, and up, and up...I got more and more nervous...but I thought the worse that would happen would be that I would have to just slide down on my butt the whole way back if I couldn't ski down. Well, I wasn't far from truth....I was on my back most of way down with Wendy sighing at my side as she loyally fetched my skis and brought them back to me each time I fell. Her cute boyfriend (?) at the time paused by us each time he passed by and said smart alect remarks which left the 12 year old me feeling like a clumsy baby. Somehow I remember Wendy trying to pass me off on to Scott so she could continue skiing but Scott refused by saying it was Wendy who had taken me off the bunny slope! (Another blow to my 12 year old ego!) By the time we got back to the bottom several hours later, I was soaked wet through...freezing cold and exhausted! Thankfully Wendy and Scott agreed that I had had enough for the first time out. The next day (wearing snow pants this time) they signed me up for the beginners ski class...which I learned a lot and still remember while I'm out on the snow now! But after those 2 days of skiiing, I never had the desire to do it again until I moved here and saw what a lovely opportunity I had to just literally ski out my front door on the the snow covered golf course! Even though I greatly admire those people that fly down the mountains on fast skis, or snow board into the air or swoop along the shaloms, I have seen too many of those "Wide World of Sports" shots of skiers totally losing it and whipping around with body parts twisting in all directions to really want to ski on anything steeper than golf course slopes! This is perfect for me! (and my kid, as far as I'm concerned at this point) I've decided it's like hiking...or scuba diving...so peaceful and quiet...let's me enjoy the surroundings!

And what a work out! Look at all that calorie burning SWEAT!
Feels so good! Thankfully, I've not been over doing it, which I usually do...so no aches and pains of out-shapeness (except my knee today...but that will be ok!).

I keep promising....but I WILL post photos of my sewing projects soon...I'm almost done with the twins' quilts...agh...the binding part now. Gotta do that with a good movie on! And my little secret project is coming along...and picked out the project for the Easter Swap and another for my dear friend's 50th birthday! February Posty Pals cards were sent off today! (Our Fabric Post Card group has an official name now! We are the Posty Pals!)

Tomorrow the tile guy comes again for the putting a sealing on the floor and walls...he will start tiling on Monday! yeah! Wish some of my single women friends were near by...this man is very friendly, nice and goodlooking...I would invite them over for a "sponteanous" coffee break.

Winter fun

2009-02-17T10:31:00.003+01:00

It's "Sportlov" (sport vacation) in Sweden this week...many families take the time to travel to places where they can dedicate the week to the winter sports. Since we are doing the bathroom renovation just now, it's not a good week for us to leave town....so just luckily we have a gorgeous covering of snow to enjoy this week before it melts. I'm not very good at skiing but I really enjoy it...like hiking with more balance. I'm getting better at it and fall a lot less now.

Cross country skiing self portraitAs you can see from the tracks, there have been quite a few others out skiing and playing golf during the weekend. Our dog, Pepe, LOVES to be in the snow! It's hard to image him being originally from Florida! Maya does pretty well on the skis...only fell a couple of times and she likes the small hills. This kid is not a dare devil!

Basil thinks the tracks are just for him!

Please, let me in, I"m cold!

This is a cinnamon SLUG...it was supposed to be about 20 cinnamon buns but while I was reading the instructions in Swedish, I was also having a heated discussion with my husband about the bathroom renovation in English. Not a good combination...so I ended up putting in 3 cups of water instead of 3 decileters. (over double the amount of water) ...so to compensate I added a lot of flour but was unable to roll out the dough properly. It still tastes good! Reminds me of those apple fritters from the doughnut shop.

Been working on some sewing projects...will show posts later....I'm ready to start machine quilting the twin baby flannel quilts today. I've never done it "properly" but I'll take a deep breath as I begin using the new "walking foot" my brother brought me in December. And my fabric post cards are ready for mailing today too...but I can't find my plastic bags for them! (just like Vicki couldn't find hers!)

Glad Alla Hjärtans Dag!

2009-02-14T10:57:00.001+01:00

Happy Sweet Valentine's Day!

These are the muffins we made for Maya's class for Thursday (she doesn't have school on Fridays) . The BIG hearts were for the teachers! Maya did most of the decorating herself!
She reported that EVERYONE LOVED the muffins and that only one boy threw his away after eating the candy heart on top. Maya was also very pleased that her little Valentine cards were so appreciated as well. I'm always a little concerned how our American cultural traditions will be received by Maya's classmates & teachers. I don't want to "invade" the Swedish culture with American customs but I also want my daughter to have some of the same experiences I had growing up in the USA. Living in the countryside is different than the cities. Many areas in Swedish cities have been recognizing and celebrating Halloween as an example for a few years, but out here in the countryside about 5-6 years ago my private English students didn't know anything about Halloween (not even from movies or cartoons). So I'm always a bit hesitant about engaging my kid in these activities out here, I don't want her to feel 'odd' or different but it seems as though most people are welcome to these small gestures that aren't overwhelming or too ambitious. And Maya is a child of two cultures which is usually accepted in Sweden as more and more families are multicultural here.

My little baker girl at work.

Fabric post card from my POSTY PAL Rhonda in Texas!
Thanks Rhonda!

Sunday SUN

2009-02-09T21:32:00.003+01:00

"Peach Cheeks" has a new dress, designed by Ms. Maya of Sverige! Do you like it?

WISP- "boy twin" quilt is making progress.....

Fabric Post Cards for February are coming along....

SUNSHINE...we felt the sun on Sunday AND on Monday! With a little snow it was even more enjoyable! With much care, Maya wrote out her 30 Valentines for her class and teachers. It's not a Swedish tradition to do this but my wonderful mom sends Maya the little cards from the USA to share with her classmates. So she has done this for 4 years in a row now, I believe her class friends anticipate this little greeting in English each year from Maya. We'll also make Valentine's muffins to share with her classmates. Do you have any fun Valentine traditions to share?

Mostly Maya projects & flood

2009-02-07T13:43:00.004+01:00

The project Maya picked out to do together continued the last few days.... and we finished "Peach" on Friday! Isn't she cute? Her hair is rather thin as I only had some left over yarn from my Mom's needlepoint work. Maya would like me to make some clothes for her next but in the meantime, she was able to find this outfit that belongs to another cloth dolly she has. Apparently, Maya has plans in her head for 7 more of these dolls! (A few mermaids, of course!)
Notice there is no nose (like her orginal drawing of Obama!) ....Maya told me that the doll didn't need one! Can't argue with that!
Friday evening...of course, just after "normal" working hours we had a disaster on our hands! Nothing was flowing through our drains! AGH! So instead of the dirty laundry water going OUT of the house...it was flooding my crafty room floor! Quickly I had to pick everything up off the floor (yucky wet gross water!), scream for Bo, and keep Maya out of the mess! (she put on her rubber boots to help me!) Luckily, an 'emergency' plumber was in the area (he came from Helsingborg) and he fixed the stoppage in about 20 minutes. Charged us a reduced price since he had already driven out here on another job. (very nice of him!) It was quite amazing work...he used a remote control machine to go through our drainage pipes! How clever!
The school Maya attends is participating in this Piggelin contest for fitness! She will get a certificate at the end if she completes 50 points in physical activities. This has really motivated her to do a bit more than usual with less complaining (like walking with the dog 500 meters for 2 points). What amazes me is how much excersise she gets during regular school activities...(which also count for her Piggelin points). Attending her Tuesday gym class she gets 2 points because they have to walk to get to the gym hall (+ 2 points for the class time)! Then for Thursday's swim class she gets 4 points because they walk even further to get to the swim hall (+ points for the class time)!
Later...photos of the twin quilts...

Projects & Plumbers

2009-02-03T23:40:00.004+01:00

Six year old Maya's first completed sewing project! She made this at "Fritids" the After School Care at her school in Sweden. Isn't it cute? This has inspired her.....So I showed her my first sewing book (I think I only made one or maybe two things from the patterns when I was a kid). I bought it at the Book Mobile in the early 70's. (Remember the Book Mobile Sales? do they still have them?) She picked one of the most "difficult" projects to start with....so that means it's mostly MY project. She has stuffed some of the body parts and will paint the face. We'll see what else.... Together we read this part about "PATIENCE" & "MISTAKES" and discussed what & how that applied to her project! She was really getting pushy about it so I was happy to see this page at the front of the book. It's a little hard to do many things at once, especially when Mommy has tonsilitus and really doesn't feel good! And the plumbers were here today for the bathroom reno....these guys are great! The only plumbers in our town of 8,000 and I feel like they give us special care and treatment. But I know others folks in town who think the same thing about these guys! They'll be back later....after some other stuff is done! And somewhere between tonsilitus naps, Maya's projects, plumber & electrician work, making dinner and walking the dog...I've managed to get some work done on this little baby quilt from my 1996 WISP! (work in slow progress) It's a little odd pattern...but remember I had a stack of these triangles cut for just one quilt and I divided up the group to make two similar quilts for twins...the mostly green one is still in pieces but soon will be an official top! I plan on getting more WISP finished this month for the CHALLENGE! To encourage my progress some...I've joined the Easter Swap (click on my side bar Easter Bunny for more information if you'd like to join). Some of my WISP's (circa 1997?) are fabric baskets for Easter....hopefully I can finish them in time for that Easter Swap!

School trip to visit Buddhist Temple

2009-02-02T21:25:00.002+01:00

Last Thursday, January 29th, I accompanied the main Swedish teacher of my Grade 5 students to a Buddhist Temple in Bjuv as part of their religious education. As soon as we walked through the gates, we were in a different world, it seemed!
Through a Nun interpreter (Swedish to/fro Vietnamese) we learned about the birth of Buddha (shown below), how to sit properly to mediate, what different symbols are on the alter, what happens after death, meditation techniques, the most important Buddhist holidays, and many other things from the Buddhist Monk.
Beaming with joy at our visit, the Monk answered every one of the good questions the children asked of him, including a demonstration of how to put on a monk's robe! I was very proud of the kids show of respect and the quality and thoughtfulness of their questions. I'm not sure if we came away knowing more about the actual religion but we certainly had a brief glimpse into something very different than what we are used to in a church setting. I think it made the children even more curious to learn about Buddhism, and me, too!
Look at these beautiful prayer flags and decorations ... I was already thinking how I could make a small version!

Bathroom renovation project

2009-01-31T15:29:00.004+01:00

After nine years of living with this ugly bathroom....it's finally OUT! I'm so excited and happy with my husband for getting everything ready for the tile guy! Bo and my father-in-law took out all the white/blue cabinets last weekend. We are almost done taking off all the ugly plastic wall paper and blue vinyl flooring....the sink, shower, toilet and bathtub are gone now. Monday the dry wall will go up. Bubble girl will miss her "happy splashy bathies" for a month or so....but then she'll be able to have them again in a gorgeous new room with Mexican tiles and sink, new cabinets, toilet and shower....it's going to be so nice! And I'll treat us to new towels, too! I haven't bought new bath towels in 20 years!

Busy with my Gainesville High School 30th reunion preparation! Starting early to hopefully be in touch with as many as possible from my graduating class of over 300 people! It's been so fun to discover "old" friends! If you haven't tried Facebook...I recommend it, especially if you have a lot of time to waste! HA HA It's addictive, I tell you! No wonder the young kids are into it!

This is my Soccer Team (football) jacket...I can still wear it although I don't. I loved practicing with my team several times a week in high school...I wasn't very good at it...I don't like to run that much but I am quite a good kicker! Actually, I enjoyed the practices more than the games...too stressy! I loved the comradship during field time and locker room giggles! If I could I'd still play, just to participate in the training sessions.

Did any of my Quilter friends play in High School sports?

Slow progress due to distractions

2009-01-29T22:57:00.004+01:00

I'm in other worlds these days....

- the dreaded bathroom renovation has gotten started at last...so that means no water or toilet up near our bedrooms, have had to reorganize stuff, many times, not finished with the stuff part.
(photos come tomorrow...so you can see what's happening!)

- working really hard on my High School blog site...having fun getting in touch with friends old and dear, some far, some near and we have 3 years until our 30th reunion and I've taken it upon myself to find over 300 missing people! (Ok, so I've gotten some help from others with Facebook ) Realistically, I will be glad to find a quarter of them but....you never know! I'm adding new things to that blog nearly everyday as friends are sending me photos to post on the blog with updates about them. I have even gone digging in my old photo albums to find fun photos to post as well...memory lane! (wish Santa had brought me a scanner for Christmas though...I'm taking photos of photos so the quality isn't good.)

- been sick, as you know, but am feeling better. Cough, cough

- busy back at work...went to a Buddhist Temple with Grade 5 kids as part of their Religion Class. very interesting. The monk was from Vietnam and didn't speak Swedish but a nun (?) translated for him and the kids asked great questions! I'll post photos of that too....they were very generous with their time and fruits! (left overs from Chinese New Year)

-weather is a real drag...hoovering around freezing day and night...some rain, NO SUN!
BORING B-O-R-I-N-G!!!! snow, why can't there be some SNOW!!??? (oh yeah, global warming...it's been 3 winters since really good snow!)

That's all...lots is happening! I have just few days to finish some WISPs for the Challenge! Gotta get going on that!

PS- Betsy asked me what I was listening to lately....Bets, I listen to the radio...but haven't a clue as to who the performers are these days. I'm just not very cool anymore! LOL

Challenge Projects....January

2009-01-24T17:54:00.006+01:00

It's bad enough that I have many of my own WISPs...but whenever my Mom comes to visit us she brings me HERS from Florida! With geniue gladness, I accept many of her WISPs and stuff them into the closet along with the others. Since it is nearing the end of January, I decided that one WISP completed was not enough...so I went digging around. I pulled out WISPs that were from Mom. Today I finished hemming 6 dish towels with a little loop to hang them. The fabric comes from Peru (where I was born)...and features some of my favorite Peruvian treats! Turron de Doña Pepa! ANTICUCHOS! Picarones de la Playa!

What's next? I found a stack of flannel triangles that were supposed to be a baby quilt for my best Peruvian friend, Giannina Zanelli's baby! Yekaterina was born in 1996 in Moscow, Russia. I don't think she'll want her baby quilt now! (not even for her baby dolls!) Recently a colleague of mine here in Sweden had twins, a girl and a boy. I think these pieces can come together to make two little quilts that will be similar but not exactly alike. This afternoon, Maya helped me arranging the pieces on a design board but she was making something far more complicated that I'm ready to do right now. I'll have to work on it again when she isn't around.
In the meantime, I'm working on a surprise for someone special....just a peek because I know she looks at my blog.
How are you coming along with your CHALLENGE Projects? (if you're in Abyquilts and Tag-along-Teddies challenge)

I sent my Fabric Post Cards out to 8 members of our group yesterday! Hope they arrive safely!

Today we wake up....

2009-01-21T01:16:00.005+01:00

to a new ERA , new HOPE and a NEW PRESIDENT! And we are HAPPY!
It's a BRAND NEW DAY! Last night we toasted the NEW FIRST FAMILY!
Maya decided what she would wear for this special event when Barack Obama won in November 2008! It's perfect....red, white and blue and Hawaiian, too!
Click here to sing along!

After the ceremony...we watched with delight as President Obama signed his first bit of paperwork! We hope he will be signing many more acts with good intentions for
our common future good! We can work TOGETHER to create a better world!

This reminded me of a REALLY good episode of "The West Wing"! Only BETTER!
And you don't have to pinch me...'cause I know I'm not dreaming, at last, this is REALITY!

Finishing and Finding on Monday

2009-01-19T22:20:00.005+01:00

Despite having the flu....I did manage to finish up my fabric post cards for January. I feel a little HEAVENLY HAPPY this week! So some cozy angel kitties are making joyful, peaceful wishes for the world on the sparkling stars this month! I made an archealogical discovery this afternoon while in pursuit of stitchery patterns to do while watching the INAUGURATION tomorrow! And I found some LONG LOST and LONGED AFTER patterns...particularly, these three! When I do an organization...I really do a put it away organization! I found these at the back end of my "teacher's room" in our basement! The Rumpled Quilts projects are bean bag things...perfect for my little mermaid girl and her underwater props! (they look great with those Bali Batiks!) The Mumm's pattern for the gingerbread people I've been wanting to do with some adorable g-people fabric I have had a long time! And the little paper piecing gardening quilt from HM Designs...well, I'm a gardener....it's so cute and would make perfect gifts for my gardening friends!
But....I've got to finish my current projects and WISPs before I start something new! But these are so tempting.....

In my diggings I found some other interesting things....later...

We're off to watch the BIG EVENT at a place with CNN and BBC (in English!)...waiting such a long time for this happy day! And allow me to say it one more time...I"m PROUD to be an AMERICAN! Democracy does work! May we all come together for the GREATER GOOD!

Katie's Housewarming Party

2009-01-19T11:27:00.004+01:00

Later today I'll be getting ready for Katie's Housewarming Party in Australia!I made an extra batch of chili con carne for her....even opened my special Hungarian Paprika that my friends brought to me over the summer.

Then I think I'll make something Swedish.....it's a summer BBQ in Aussie so....I'll be looking for a typical "mid-sommar" dish to bring to her new place! She's having GREAT Giveaways! So click HERE to find out more!

Ice Skating Party on Saturday

2009-01-19T10:16:00.004+01:00

On Saturday we invited two families over to ice skate on the beautiful lake near our home. The ice was slick and smooth and very fast! The Dads had a great time trying out their speed and style on this wide open arena.
Maya still isn't so confident on the skates but with a little help from a friend she manages quite well. (Maya is in pink.)
The little boy in the group (2 years old) would NOT be left out! He screamed until his parents finally "made" skates for him with someone's boots and the blade covers. Although it didn't work so well, it did satisfy him.
Here are my "ice dogs" ....Pepe and Rosy Tulip! Our real dog LOVED the ice! What a funny Floridian dog!
We returned to our house for chili, sallad and pannacotta! and, of course, hot chocolate!

Maybe I'll get a little sewing done....

And the good news is.....

2009-01-12T20:47:00.004+01:00

I can use a sewing machine with my hand wrapped and swollen! Got started on my Fabric Post Cards for January...very happy with them! I'll wait to post a photo later.

The nurse I visited today to get my bandages changed said my burn was "very pretty". I didn't think so but I guess she's seen a lot more 2nd degree burns than I have! This bandage I leave on until Thursday and change again for a shorter period. Would you like to see my burn when I put on new gauzes Thursday?
Sandi over at Embroideroo and I have a BUTTON thing....so these photos are for her! And, of course, anyone else who likes old buttons! I purchased a box full of buttons at an auction in 1998 while visiting my friends in the Buffalo area of New York. The price has escaped my memory bank but I know whatever it was I was very, very pleased with my purchase in the evening when I thoroughly explored the contents. Whoever had the buttons before me had organized them in bundles by size and color although many were loose or on cards. I can't bare to release them from the cards...just too cool. Do you see the Eygptian looking one? Many are mother of pearl, bone, tortoise shell and wood. And a lot are funky plastic, too.
There are some packets with button cover kits...I might use them. Recently saw an idea on....oh, agh...I can't find it now.

What buttons do you collect? Use? Display?
I'd like to hear your ideas! or have some links....I can't just leave them stored in a box forever...or can I? (my secret treasure!)

Challenge continues...

2009-01-11T12:18:00.006+01:00

Just to make my pledge to the Challenge even more of a challenge....I've managed to handicap myself a little bit. For those of you weak in the stomach I did not photograph what is under my bandage! Last Monday I burned myself pretty badly on the oven element while enthusiastically and hurriedly taking out baked potatoes. At the time I realized I'd branded myself royally with a single, thick, straight burn just below my thumb on the top of my hand. Ok, so I ran cold water over it and left it alone. It scabbed over a few days but then on Friday the scab started to open up revealing raw tissue underneath. Saturday morning it was oozing...a lot. Bo put a bandaid over it for me. As the day went on my hand started to swell and turn bright red, we took off the bandaid...by the evening it felt like my hand was on fire and movement was becoming difficult and the redness was creeping its way onto my arm, all the while icky pussy ooze was dripping out of the burned area. I called the "health advice hot line" here in Sweden and they said I should go directly to the hospital for antibiotics. This was at 10 pm and Bo had just gone to work his night shift. Maya was in bed. We live in the country, so going to the hospital means a 40 minute drive to Helsingborg. I called my hubby, he got off work just as he started and I got Maya out of bed. Off to the hospital, on the way I got in touch with my ever faithful, helpful friend, Kelly Sue (who lives in Helsingborg) to drop off Maya in her PJ's asleep at their place. What a relief not to have to take Maya into the Emergency room with us and to leave her in caring hands! Thank you so much Carlssons! It means so much to have friends like you!

So...at the ER I tried hard not to think of all the horrible things that could be happening inside my hand...gangrene, thumb removal, nerve damage, scarring, etc. OK, this really wasn't THAT bad but my imagination does tend to head towards the worse case scenario. Luckily for us the night shift at the ER was relatively calm. The doctor came to see me at 12:30am. It's a second degree burn and infection had set in. He said it was good I came when I did before it had gotten any worse. Now I have penicillin for 10 days and must keep my hand wrapped. I'm supposed to go to the District Nurse to have her change the bandages on Monday. We'll see what it looks like then. At the moment my hand is still burning and swollen...actually more swollen than yesterday. I can still type though...and hold an embroidery hoop and book! So it's not the end of the world! And I will go to work on Monday.

Since we finished up at the hospital around 1am we decided to leave Maya sleeping at Kelly Sue's....and she can have the opportunity to play with her surrogate sisters today before coming home. Kelly Sue told me this morning that when Maya woke up during the night she asked, "Can you tell me exactly why I'm here?" KS explained about my hand, etc and then Maya got a smile on her face and said, "I was afraid I wasn't going to get to spend the night with Caithlin!" (not worried at all about ME!) Just goes to show you WHO is a priority in my daughter's life! So here I am...doing some needle work. It's not too comfortable so I may just hold a book instead. (I could possibly grade some school work but ....nah, no fun!)
Yesterday I did manage to finish one of my WISP's....a dress I bought at a LOPPIS some years ago for Maya. And the other day it dawned on me that the size is perfect for NOW. It's a jumper from one of the 'foo-foo' Swedish kid's stores. The buttons were old and mismatched. (didn't take a 'before' photo) I decided to sew the jumper together rather than have the lower buttons keeping it together. Then I changed all the buttons and ironed on the patch from "Hello Kitty" collection. A small WISP finished but finished nonetheless....and finished while watching MAMA MIA for the third time with Maya!

I also worked on my new Fabric Post Cards for January! Perhaps I can manage the sewing machine with my hand like this...I'll try it.

* Kelly Sue just called with the Maya report. She loaned Maya some clothes.
Maya: "I don't usually like wearing jeans unless they are pretty and cool like these!"

Victory!

2009-01-09T23:23:00.004+01:00

What a WIN!
Florida Gators National Champions AGAIN!
Thanks to North American Sports Network (NASN) channel I could watch it live here in Sweden! That means I was up from 2 am to 6 am cheering for the GATORS! It was worth it!

My little Gator Fan made her own flag to wave while watching the game. In her 6 year old mind the Gators = USA! Well...she's nearly right...it's a GATOR NATION now! She was dressed in her Gator gear but when I woke her up at 2 am to watch she couldn't keep her eyes open and choose to go back to bed. We did celebrate in the morning with HIGH FIVES and more cheers! GO GATORS!

I'd forgotten how many commercials play during an American football game! geez....gave me lots of moments to sew! I'm coming along with my lavender sachets! Although my eyes went a little foggy around 4 am! This 'old' body can't do those all nighters too many times a year!

Who's gonna win?

2009-01-08T18:35:00.003+01:00

FLORIDA!!!!! That's who!

I'm going to watch the National Championship game live at our summer house at 2am!
So excited!!!!
GOOOOOO Gators!

January Challenge projects declared

2009-01-05T21:33:00.004+01:00

Trying to shake off the feelings of "Dooms Day" (returning to work). I always stress myself out before I return to work at the end of a holiday, as if there is some important deadline that I must meet that includes all housework completed and organized, all rooms put into perfection, and all the laundry, plants and extra stuff done by the time I return to work. Why do I do this to myself? then I don't enjoy my last days of vacation doing what I want to do....instead I'm constantly thinking of what I must do next. What about doing all the things I WANT to do instead of what I think I NEED to do?

So....instead of worrying and fretting about all those things that won't get done because I've made unrealistic goals for myself, I've signed myself on to meet a FUN CHALLENGE for the WHOLE YEAR! May Britt's & Kris's ONE WISP (work in slow progress) per Month Challenge. It's quite easy...and laid back. No stress (like my fabric post card group). I pick my own unfinished project (UFO) or WISP (work in slow progress) that's sitting in my crafty room and finish it! One per month! And believe me....there's one per month in my sewing closets! At least! I might even get a prize if I finish them! But that part doesn't really matter....I just want the fun challenge of it! And the little push to get started! January's project to do is one that I started over the summer with Maya...we harvested lavender flowers to make into smelly little sachets for Christmas gifts. (Not anymore...hopefully they'll be Valentine's gifts) The idea came from a woman I met in Gotland, Sweden. She had embrodiered simple flowers on a cloth bag stuffed with petals. Of course, I thought to myself "I can do that"....and now 4 years later I've gotten started!
These are my own designs...just free hand stitching. Below is Maya's design for her own sachet!
Do you want to join our Challenge? Just click on over to May Britt or Kris and find out the details!

Icey fun

2009-01-05T21:20:00.004+01:00

It's been a cold week with low temps at night...so the lake is frozen thick near our house! This is one of our neighbors ice fishing! He uses a big trap that sits a meter or so under the ice, for bait he just uses oatmeal flakes! The little fish swim around right into the trap. These trapped fish he keeps frozen to use as bait during the spring and summer for salmon and carp fishing. To get over to the lake to ice skate we found it was easier to put Maya's skates on at our house then pull her on the sled over to the lake. She held my ski poles today on our short journey.
Not bad, not bad at all for day 2 of skating! (this was Sunday's trial) Maya holds her balance well, knows how to stand back up after a fall and keeps trying her best! The bicycle helmet makes us feel safer but it really doesn't sit on the head well with a cap under it.
Sunset around 3:45 as you can see in this photo....Maya alone with the 'kick support' sled.
Ready for some hot chocolate at home!
Today I got a turn to try ice skiing! (Maya took the photo.) Cross country skis are for me...no down hill! They go FAST on the ice! I only fell once and could even get up! lol I want to go out again tomorrow...got to take advantage when we've got such nice cold weather!

Three days left....

2009-01-04T00:26:00.005+01:00

I've got 3 days left of my vacation and no more house guests (after 3 weeks worth). Although I am still sick (the damn flu-cold-cough-mucus thing but no fever), I'm not as bad as I was a few days ago as long as I don't talk too much (then I lose my voice or lapse into a coughing fit).
Anyway.....among my big plans for the next 3 days is to find a place for all of Maya's new toys (which includes about 9 Polly Pockets and all their gear--given to Maya by a friend of mine in Chicago who finds them at second hand shops) and BOOKS...oh, the books!

Now, this is where I need HELP! As a first time mother of only one child....I've not had too much experience with this.

How do I get a 6 year old to release her ownership of toys she hardly plays with anymore?

It was easy when she was younger, I simply took them out of her room, even in front of her, and she didn't notice as I dropped them into a bag marked LOPPIS* on the side. But now it seems she's made some sort of inventory of each little item! Since she's been older (around 4) I've been removing some things on the sly by placing them into a closet in a "holding area". So if she misses the item I can "find" it for her but if she doesn't mention it or miss it, then after about 2 months I've been placing that item into the LOPPISbag out of her sight. This method is not only time consuming but a part of me feels a little sneaky doing it this way and I'm not sure it's OK in the "good mommy" world. (If I'm honest, I'm not so objective either because I remove the items I don't like and leave the unplayed toys that I like!) On the other hand though, when I request her assistance in filtering through the toys, there is, of course, NOTHING she doesn't play with and she wants to keep it ALL! HELP...please give me ideas about how to go about this! She knows that her toys will go to a place where other children will use them...not just to the trash. Actually, she's ok with that...and even gives me one or two token items but it's not enough reduction in the clutter of her toy areas. We also read the above book...which was entertaining but not helpful in passing along the message!

Of course, her father and I should be role models for this desired behavior. Unfortunately, we both come from generations of sentimental pack rats! But when I do clean out my clutter, I should make sure she recognizes what it is I'm doing in hopes that she will follow my example one day!

Please leave me a comment about sorting through a child's toy area!
I can use some tips! Thanks!

*LOPPIS is a Swedish word for "flea market".

Happy 2009!

2009-01-03T00:12:00.004+01:00

We've already had TWO days of SUN in 2009!
The first was spent at the beach! This is my mermaid in the winter time on her favorite rock!
Patches of sand were covered in ice...very cool looking!

My Prince Charming and his loyal companion!

January 2- Mom and Maya took a turn "skating" on our little pond!
Tomorrow my folks head back to the Sunshine State of Florida after a 3 week visit with us! I always feel melancholy when they leave us but it will be good to get back into some sort of routine again....and maybe I'll start picking up the mess we've made of the house over the last weeks or maybe I'll just start a new sewing project or read a book! (And I will certainly ignore the bag full of papers I need to grade!)

I got one more Christmas fabric post card! This one from Vicki!
Thank you!

Holiday Happenings

2008-12-31T12:15:00.002+01:00

Maya's newest job...candle snuffer!Dad's tradition....PISCO SOURS! (a Peruvian delicious drink!)
Maya has learned at school how to give massages! She is quite good at them! Swedish studies have shown that children who touch each other in kindness are less likely to touch each other in meaness! A couple of times a week they sit in pairs and massage each other for about 5 minutes. She has learned many different hand motions for this almost like a little story (jumping dolphins, waterfall, spider crawl, etc). The head massage is the best!
My Dad's favorite present! "Feed the birds" says the squirrel in disguise!
My mom has been busy since she arrived making 4 of these little cross stitches! She's amazingly fast!

Happy NEW YEAR EVERYONE!
This will be my last post until next year!
Wishing you a safe and fun evening with family and friends!

Christmas Day & Leif's 45th

2008-12-31T12:11:00.002+01:00

Santa Claus (American) came in the night of the 24th....he ate the cookies, gave the reindeer the carrots we had left them and left a pile of gifts with a card for Maya. He thanked her for all the ways in which she has been "good" this past year! Maya was so pleased!

The stockings were knitted by my mom over the years...one of each of us. They stay in Sweden now and we use others when we are in Florida for the holidays. Unfortunately, we have to be careful hanging the stockings to close to our fireplace because we use it and it gets extremely HOT! After a morning of opening Santa's gifts and our "American" gifts...we went to Malmö to celebrate Leif's birthday. Maya is ready to go....but Mom was not feeling well and stayed home to rest. She looks pretty good for not feeling well, eh?
See...you can still be GOOFY at 45 years old! Leif is Bo's youngest brother!
Why is Maya standing at the table? She's singing Happy Birthday to Leif Swedish style! Everyone stands up to sing to the honored person and children often stand on the chairs to be just as tall. "Vi gratulerar lille Leif idag!"
My mother-in-law is just as goofy as her sons at times...I appreciate it so much because in her infinite experience as a mother of 3 boys, grandmother to 5, and a professional "fritids" (after school teacher) she knows just when to employ the goofiness to the adults' advantage to get a task accomplished! In this case, get Maya's jacket on to go home after the exciting party at Leif's place!

Swedish Christmas on December 24

2008-12-31T12:01:00.003+01:00

Maya could hardly wait to open the last of the advent calendar gifts! Up early to see what was in the top of the tree! Later in the morning, she and Uncle Tom made gingerbread cookies to serve with the glögg in the afternoon. Messy fun!
Bo's parents and brother, Leif, arrived before "Calle Anka" (Donald Duck) Disney shows started. It's a tradition in Sweden to watch about an hour of Disney at 3:00pm on Christmas Eve. I think this tradition started back when there was only one channel available and the staff was not there at the station on Christmas Eve so that they just played a film with continuous Disney all afternoon. (Giving parents a moment to prepare food, etc) Well, that's my theory anyway. Some day I'll find the truth as to why most Swedes watch these condensed versions of Disney shows on the 24th. (Maybe my Swedish friends could tell me?)

So here we are after the Disney, drinking glögg and eating cookies! Yes, my husband is wearing our cat, Basil, as a scarf around his neck! Later we ate the traditional JulBord food....(herring, potatoes, rye bread, eggs, meatballs, prince's sausages, cabbage, beets, snaps, Christmas beer & soda) YUMMY! (Now that I"m used to it!)
This year Maya was so excited about making and giving gifts! We all loved the things she made us! Here she gives Farfar a window ornament she made.
Later in the evening we heard a knock at the door....who could it be? It was the JULTOMTE! And he asked if there were any good children in the house! Maya, a bit shy, piped right up and said "YES, ME!" He handed her 3 gifts and then he left as quickly as he came! He was having a busy night!

Fun Ornaments

2008-12-30T11:34:00.005+01:00

Each year we are in Sweden for Christmas we have a real tree in our living room. As we unpack the ornaments, I am reunited with memories of our travels, family, family and even my former students. Each ornament tells a story about a person or place. Some day , I keep saying to myself, I will document them into a little book for Maya to have after I'm gone so she will know how many of the ornaments were acquired. This one is from Köln, Germany (Cologne in English). Isn't the angel semtress cute? I got this one and the next two during our trip to visit Bo's brother, Ulf, who lives outside of Köln.
Can you believe it? An ornament of fabric stash!
And a little Santa wood worker in honor of my husband's hobby!
Some of my favorite ornaments are these handpainted wooden figures from Russia. I purchased them in 1997 while visiting my dearest Peruvian friend, Giannina when she lived in Moscow. The details on them are incredible! I have a whole set with men and women holding food, instruments, toys and animals. (The glass ball behind her is from Bo's mother...she gave it to him when he moved out of their house when he was a young man.)
My good friend, Justinian, made these for us a few years ago. What's so amazing is that he stitched them entirely by hand...no machine, just glue and thread. It took him a long time!

Later I'll post more about what's been happening over the holiday.

My brother left for Florida yesterday so we're a little sad, especially Maya. She loves him so...her favorite uncle! But now it's back to reality! Time to put the presents away...and get ready for New Year's Eve! My parents will be here a few more days but will leave before we return to school so that will give us some time to readjust our schedules again to more normal hours. We've been rather upside down for a week or so...going to bed very late and sleeping very late. Easy to do when the days are so dark anyway!

Hope your holidays have been relaxing and healthy!

Merry Christmas & GOD JUL & Feliz Navidad!

2008-12-25T09:14:00.005+01:00

Have things to post...no time to load up photos....but wanted to wish you....

Merry Christmas to all my BLOGGER FRIENDS!
God Jul till Er!
Feliz Navidad!

I hope you are warm, healthy and filled with HOLIDAY CHEER!

Quilting Cheer

2008-12-22T16:41:00.004+01:00

Haven't been sewing much lately but I should....have one big present to finish! But I still have some days....I'll show you some of my Christmas projects from the past that are adorning my walls now thanks to my handy husband who cut and sanded dowels for me to use! This little wall hanging I started in Long Beach during a "coffee sew" with good ol' Betsy! I just finished it last year at one of my AWC crafty days (with Kelly Sue and Neitha).I just did a simple "stitch in the ditch" quilting. It's FINALLY hanging up! The pattern is from ...(when I find it I'll tell you..it was just here ;-)
I took a class in Manhattan Beach a LLLLLOOOONNNNGGGG time ago to learn to make this stained glass window technique. The black fabric is ALL ONE PIECE and required nerves of steel to finish...I'll NEVER do that technique again. The tracing freezer paper,cutting, ironing, folding under and eventually sewing all around the edges nearly killed my enthusiasm for sewing. But with Betsy's perserverence and reminder that "We paid for this class!" I stuck it out and I'm so glad I did because it really is a lovely piece. This is the first time it's hung up properly!
This is my tribute to all the multi-cultural Santas* that exist in the world! I got the pattern from a magazine my dear colleague, Ella, gave me while I was in Los Angeles. I started work on it when I spent a 'crafty weekend' in Copenhagen with my Peruvian/Danish friend, Anna Maria. Many of the faces are made with various shades of brown silk...and red silk caps. I love the affect of the silk to make it shiny and lushy in places. This fall I finally finished it during another 'crafty weekend' but I absolutely hate how I machine quilted it...I think I ruined all that hard work. Taking the stitching out is an impossiblity as I did it on the tightest of stitches. (not smart!) Perhaps after the holidays I will embellish it with bells, buttons and other things to hide the ugly quilting. This mistake, however, inspired me to get a walking foot at last!
Here's my little red elf! Maya has been such a good helper this holiday! She loves to decorate and create her own presents! I can't wait to see what she's been hiding in her room! Today is shopping with her grandparents in Helsingborg! She'll come home tomorrow...leaving me time to do my secretative things! Hope you all are enjoying the few days before Christmas in a crafty sort of way!

* I find Christmas time to be a big festival to worship the "white men". Although I do love the white men in my life...sometimes it just seems wrong that all the little children of the world are praying and idolizing white men. Couldn't Santa look like they do? So whenever I can I like to buy and create Santas that have different skin tones from the normal, stereotypical Santas. My collection is growing....I have a lot of ornaments and Christmas cards. But I'm still looking.....