Monday, March 30, 2009

Not much of a Monday

Monday, Monday....waiting, waiting.

Tried to get in touch with my special nurse, Petra, but the phone was either busy or she was busy. Will try again tomorrow. Sort of put me in a down mood. I had the impression that she would be there for me whenever I called. wrong.

Found out that one of the two MRI machines at the Helsingborg Hospital is broken so the lines to get into to one are even husband's Uncle is also in line for one (that's how we found out)...he got an appointment April 8...I don't even have an appointment time yet! My friend Kelly Sue said her Landskrona Hospital has one that they hardly use! I'm going to ask my nurse or doctor tomorrow how I go about getting over there instead. I'm trying hard not feel DESPERATE!

I counted down the "Friday cancer team Meetings" for when my case would potentially be discussed again...and wouldn't you know it * splat* it's on GOOD FRIDAY (långfredagen). A red day in Sweden when all professionals don't work! FUCKING SHIT TO HELL! (sorry!)
Can you believe it!???? Going to ask my nurse about that too. Maybe with any luck they have the cancer meeting a day in advance on red days! I'm afraid that is wishful thinking! So that means I'll have to wait another damn week for them to discuss me! SCREAMMMMMMMMM
Oh dear lord, give me patience, give me strength to endure this wait! I keep wondering how my care would have been different in the USA. But to travel to the USA for treatment is really out of the question. We don't have insurance there. And that would mean completely uprooting my family and REALLY disturbing my darling Maya's life. Can't think like that....I'm here. All good things come in good time. Breathe Deeply.

We watched BIG tonight with Tom Hanks (love that man!)...even though it's not a knock out laugh movie, it's one of my favorites and I already knew the outcome. I was sure I wouldn't cry. Last night was a disaster...we decided to watch P.S. I LOVE YOU because the box said "best romantic comedy since When Harry Met Sally", it failed to mention that the woman's husband dies of a brain tumor. So it was all about how she was dealing with his death. It would be a cute, funny story but NOT for me in my situation! By the end I was crying so much I thought I was having some sort of stomach spasms and that hurt all my insides! (My husband asked why I didn't turn off the dvd...but I wanted to know how it turned out! Thank God he wasn't watching it!) My parents went all freaky on me because they really didn't know what to do--hug me, slap me, shake me, sing to me. I took a sleeping pill to calm myself down and I couldn't get into bed fast enough to "close down". Not again shall that happen! No movies about anyone dying! (unless it's like Pirates of the Carribean or something ridiculous like that!)

My father planted some pansies in the back yard....makes things look more normal since that is something I would have done by now. Cheery. Bulbs are coming up all over the yard!

Bo worked on the bathroom cabinets. The electrician is coming this week to put in the light fixtures again.

Maya, cutie pie, is almost SEVEN! She keeps reminding us about the date! My little April Fool! We'll celebrate with more family and friends during the weekend. Her "Bird Party" with school friends will be a couple of weeks when the weather is nicer.Forgot to post these photos...THANKS to Mara my friend from GHS days for sending me some TURTLE POWER and comical reading! (That's her on the cover of A Rotten Apple: a memoir of teaching!) And THANKS to my dear esteemed colleague, Lori, from Elizabeth Street Elementary School days (80's) for her insightful selection of books for me (the parent with cancer) and Maya (child of a parent with cancer). We have already put those to good use every day! The interactive notebook I'll save for when treatment actually begins!
(below is the t-shirt Mara sent to me! Thank you!)

THANK YOU Erin and Nathaniel for the Planet Earth puzzles! They arrived today safely! Polly has already assessed the situation with Maya and they've decided to start with a 100 piece first! I also got a bunch of cards! :-) Thank you!

Taking my daily walks, pain or no pain, I must go! Today Maya followed on her bike. The neighbor's dog followed along with our dog. So we were quite the little group waddling down the road....reminded me that EXACTLY seven years ago today I walked in my house slippers (my feet were so swollen I couldn't wear shoes) with my parents & hubby for 3 miles through the forest a day before my first contractions started with Maya! Today I could barely walk a half mile! Oh boy....I will get back on trail again as soon as I kick cancer's ass! (literally!)

Wheat grass sprouts are growing in all various stages of development around the house! Meanwhile I'm mixing wheat grass powder in my morning water...feel just like a cow at
a bar! "Hey there bartender...I'd like a mug of your best grass!" Burp! You should see what the stuff does to my poops! (nothing hurts coming out! :-) Told Bo we could save them to dry out for burning in the wintertime! LOL

Yesterday one of my Swedish friends, whose son is in Maya's class, mentioned to me that Maya had told her son about my illness. I had already told this friend so she would be prepared since Maya and her boy talk A LOT together (for better or worse at times!). So I asked Maya about it.
Mommy: "Have you told any of your friends about my illness?"
Maya: "Oh yes, I've told many of them."
Mommy: "What did you say?"
Maya: "I said you have a bump in your rump that won't let the poopies out very well. And I also said you have a lovely liver paté that is working hard!"
(Now I'm thinking, Oh great...EVERYONE in Perstorp will think I'm having major hemorroid problems because I'm addicted to expensive goose liver paté!! or who knows what!) LOL

For those of you who don't speak Swedish...just read this like the Swedish Chef from the Muppet Show and see if it doesn't make you crack up!

"Min Mamma har klumpen i rumpan." took me so long to write this that now it is Tuesday! Sure am glad Monday is behind me!


mbduke said...

This waiting is excruciating, even for me. I truly hope they work you in around Good Friday. Stay strong!!!

sam r said...

Me too! I came back from my travels (and internet desert) hoping to hear news...think positive...hold tight...the waiting will end soon and there will be lots of action and information. Enjoy the pansies and try to take advantage of this lull.

Rhonda said...

Hi Carol,
I'm praying for you as always and am sure everything will work out great for you. One of my best friends, Jerri, has cancer and recently when she visited her doctor, he was surprised that things were going so well. When he questioned her about what was happening with her, Jerri said that she LAUGHS often (we keep her laughing). So here's a joke to get you laughing...what do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino.......Hell-if-I-know!!!!!
Love you Carol!

chrisi said...

hello Carol, i withe that wait is i badly....hope that you soon appointment for your investigation get, i wish you much power dear woult greet christin

Anonymous said...

Hej Carol!
vilken underbar dotter du har. Hon har klumpen i rumpan. Ha, ha, ha!

Jag ska hälsa så jättemycket ifrån Wivika till dig.

HÅll ut och var stark. Det kommer att gå bra.
Massor med bamsekramar. /Åsa

lizardek said...

Waiting is torture, murder, AWFUL. I feel for you. :( But aaagh, I really hope you don't watch any more such movies!!